Bawse II ( How to conquer Life , from a LOSER to a QUEEN )

For the firsts

It's a game of love and trust. It's a game of letting go of grudges.
To be a bawse you must and it's a MUST to learn to let go and move on.
This might sound a bit cliche and too much like " usual good words " . But trust me on this , it's too damn hard to work on it .
But since this is a journey to become a bawse it's gotta be tough road or else it won't be as much exciting.

Let me mention a small incident here :

My mother is always so paranoid and over protective when it comes to her children. She always keeps us safe to her 100% even if it requires subtle loss of education and freedom.
After all her children are greater
for her than everything.
So I used to miss school a lot . I know you must be thinking how does it equate but be it a bad weather day or a protest down the street I would've gotten a beautiful free day at home. My mother wouldn't risk her precious any harm physically . But before you get jealous let me tell you it had a toll. I used to miss a lot of school work and it hampered my studies . Although my father and I tried our bests to keep up with my studies. I used to depend on him a lot to stay organized educationally but he couldn't help me to collect the missed up work so
I had no option but take the help of my class mates.

Such was once when I missed school and required history notes. I asked my ex best friend to let me borrow her notes and being a nice girl she did give me for a day. Next day we had to submit our homeworks and guess what ?
I forgot to take her notes back to school.
Screw me.

Nobody trusted me from that day onwards and I couldn't blame anybody. The next time I missed school my ex bestie (let's call her "Belle" and she is indeed beautiful ) was hell bent or more precisely CAREFUL not to take a chance with her notes again and the worst part is in a class of 24 people words spread quickly and everyone saw how Belle was punished (she had to write " I will never forget to bring my history notes again" 100 times while standing ) . We were 12 y/o and it was hella embarrassing for her as the whole class witnessed it. So this time no matter how much I convinced someone it didn't work.
I too blamed myself. I should've been more careful.
But I needed to survive.
I needed the notes. And I didn't know how.
That year my class had two new freshers from another school. It felt I might have a chance with them as they weren't my friends or anybody else's with whom I would have an akward distance.
When I was convincing them Bella heard the conversation and warned them.

The next thing that happened was indeed worth to be called a miracle.

Even after the exaggerated warnings of Not to ever trust me or "Don't give her the notes she'll put you into trouble" one of them legit AGREED to lend me her notes.
MY GOODNESS!
I WAS SO ELATED AND HAPPY.
It was a very special day for me as that day was the first time I learned true grateful and thankfulness and felt, FELT what luck could be felt as.

That day that girl stood with me when nobody did. That girl held my hand when everyone had turned their heads including the girl who I called my best friend.

I'd forgotten how many times I put that girl into trouble. How many times she had to bear embarrassment for me ( no worries I was careful with her note copy )  but yes I once made a wierd Cinderella cartoon behind her physics labcopy later on, which the physics teacher saw and asked if that was her potrait and the whole class had a good laugh about it. However she never mentioned me and I stood up to tell the teacher that it was me who drew that thing.
(It was a common thing to write stuffs behind copies among friends )
P.s The teacher then asked me if I made her potrait. Obviously I said no as that was a bad cartoon and my friend was BEAUTIFUL in and out.

Yet the lesson I want to provide is not this.
The lesson is , that day I did the same thing , the day Belle got her punishment. I stood up for her. We were a group of 4 friends who wrote the thing 20 times for her ( I did 40 times since it was my fault ) and that's how we quartered the punishment among us. But she didn't stand for me.
The moment she knew she was in trouble she put me under the bus.
She told the teacher that she trusted me with her notes and it was me who was at fault. I was already guilty but at that time it felt as if some kind of betrayal as she knew it very well what I did was totally unintentional .

Now that I think about it , it genuinely hurts. That's not how best friends are supposed to be . That day I was ready to take the blame on myself but when Belle blamed me , so many things changed.
Ego and selfishness rose between us. Yet I loved her so much that I couldn't feel the change that came at the moment.

Writing this reminds me of Lilly, when she saved one of her colleagues.
I don't expect to be saved from that time onwards cause everyone isn't a bawse after all . Instead I am up for saving people whenever in need.

So you never know how much the other person is going through. Some kind words , a simple smile , a helping hand might leave your mark forever in their lives. A rude gesture , an eye roll , some hurtful words might give you momentary satisfaction of being sassy and bold. But that would too leave a mark forever.

Is the sass and boldness really meant to be like this ?
The answer is yes , if you're a common.

But the answer is no if you want to be a bawse.

A bawse is NEVER heartless for the weak/in need. It is rather compassionate towards the weaker one and wouldn't hesitate to call out the same person later on if he/she is wrong.

A bawse understands the time and situations that tells him/her "Now it's the time to become rude" or "Now this person doesn't deserve respect." AND "let it go it's not worth it." or "it's fine"

A bawse is not a kid.

A bawse is aware of the consequences of her actions.

A bawse is a queen who knows the difference between oppression and justice.

Later on in life I faced many ups and downs with the new girl who held my hand that day. Together we grew and learned how to forgive.
The new girl knows how much I love Belle even today. But the love and respect that girl earned that day is unmatched.

Belle and I are no longer best friends. She left when it deemed right and never turned back. Some instances pushed me not to look back as well. But life is too short to live upon those grudges. I still knock Belle to keep a check on her for the sake of the friendship we once had , for the love I still bear for her in me.

A bawse never keeps a grudge. Lilly taught me that for life.
But a BAWSE also knows what not to forget and what not to repeat.

A bawse wouldn't forgive everyone. It would know very well who's taking advantage , who's harming and who's doing it genuinely. It'll always keep it's invisible gaurd on and cut off accordingly .

There's another thing I learned _ there are people who will be hurt with your actions so a bawse needs to see that it is the bad guy who is hurt.

There's always very thin lines a bawse gotta maintain.
For eg.
Lines between forgive and forget and cutting off

Lines between keeping quiet and raising your voice.

Lines between hurrying and patience.

I'm not saying a bawse is a perfect example but a BAWSE is who conquers life and it's first target is to conquer it's personality and it's judgements between the right and the wrong in it.

It's vital.

P.s The new girl and I are best friends for 8 years now.