so sometimes i really contemplate life
a lot of people do
but with me its like a fucking crisis
its not just 'oh im wasting my life on the internet lol'
but its deeper like 'why do i do this? why do i keep embarrassing myself? why cant i get a good grade in science? whats wrong with me? were all going to die anyway. maybe today maybe tomorrow. we cant control these things. death is inevitable. oh so and so doesnt like me blah blah blahhh lol'
i just get so awkward and quiet and i stare blankly at things like the ansswer to life will just pop out at me.
i mainly have these things for 20-30 minutes in my classes.
mostly in choir though. i dont know.
and at home its hours in my room, quiet and staring blankly at objects.
sometimes i feel like im not really here or alive.
and it takes me like 15 minutes to realize 'wow im actually living'
like i never feel like im actually alive and when the thought that im living but one day ill die comes into my head i get all paranoid.
so yeah
