Tales from my notebook

Letter to the lost

Dear Sugarcube,
It's been two weeks now, and seems to have passed an entire century. I wish I had no expectations about our love story. I wish I hadn't fallen this hard for your coffee eyes and your crimson hair.
We both made mistakes here... I made a mistake by not trusting you enough to let you give me an explanation about the rumor. You made a mistake by easing up the painful feeling with an easy exit: running after someone else instead of waiting as I waited when you were passing through personal issues, while I was treated as an stranger at the same time.
Now you're telling me things such as "How did I let you go?", "I miss you" or "You're so pretty". And those things won't fix this, you know? And yes, we need to have a deep talk, because that's exactly what this relationship hadn't: Communication. And no, that part wasn't my fault because I tried, I really tried.
Do you know what's the saddest thing about all of this? The fact that I spent DAYS making the perfect gift for the "perfect boy".
I'm the kind of person who enjoys giving handmade presents for the loved ones, because I feel like I'm giving a part of my heart, a part of my soul. I feel like it's more meaningful than any other gift, because it's more personal and full of feelings. And now, those special presents are resting on my desk, because I couldn't give them to you before.
Sometimes I spend long periods of time in bed remembering those moments in which we were happy, when nothing mattered but us. After that I cry, because I know that we could have avoided the trouble, and now we could still be together. And maybe, just maybe, you could stop being afraid of walking into the classroom by my side, holding my hand and smiling like you used to do when we gathered at the park near your house.
Don't you remember our "war of kisses"? I'm pretty sure that's one of your favourite things from those days.
And what about the letter? I remember your baby face when I gave it to you, you were like a kid with a new toy.
It's incredible that now we lost everything because of our stupid choices.
I'm fucking lovestruck, I can't help feeling it, you taught me a beautiful part of you that made me fell. But now that everything's over, I found out the other half and I realize that you were both my dream and my curse. Anyway, I feel grateful for you, because I learnt what self-love is and now, I'm starting to love myself more and more everyday. Despite the fact that I still cry for you sometimes.
And if you find this someday, I wish this won't be just a letter to the lost.
With all good wishes, Arlyc.