Dry Petals in the River of Hope

Chapter 1: Please Don't Mind the Broken Glass

Depression. Powerful word isn't it? Anyone can feel depressed these days. It's like society has changed it from a mental disorder to a basic human emotion, making it seem like it's no big of a deal. But to those who actually have it are always being told to 'Cheer Up!'. Like we weren't feeling worse to begin with. Everybody who has depression would love to cheer up, if they could. But they can't control when the big grey raincloud decides to appear. If people with depression knew how to 'cheer up', depression would no longer cease to exist. I wish it didn't exist. So it wouldn't have destroyed my life.

My name is Stephanie Beckett, I am 23 years old and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. The only reason why I am saying this is because this is the only interesting thing about me. It has taken over my life so much that it has drained out the funny 'Steph', that everyone used to know and love. Now, everyone probably forgot I existed because I haven't seen them in so long.

I know most people would put their profession after giving their name but my job does not define who I am. Probably because no one would give a damn about a mop lady working at a crummy little diner. Sweeping wooden floors and washing dishes for a living.

Nobody gives a shit. I get paid about 6 dollars an hour and as my social life is pretty much nonexistent, I work about 8 hours, 7 days a week because I have nothing better to do with my time, I am still a virgin and I have never had a boyfriend in my entire life, not that I give shit.

My life was pretty shit to begin with. I was born in a small town in Maine on September 1st 1991. I don't really remember much of that town as I moved to Seattle when I was 4. Seattle is pretty much my home and will always be my home.

I hardly ever see my family as my parents now live in Dallas, my brother Scott lives in New York and my sister Denise lives in Italy. They do call me sometimes. I really do miss them, but I feel like I am disappointing them as Scott is a Doctor and Denise is a Fashion Designer. I really wanted to be an artist, but who would ever want to buy a crap painting by some depressed chick who is nothing but a disappointment to not only herself but to her family.

I can never do the things I used to love anymore. It really upsets me that I can't watch a movie without being distracted because I loved the movies. That was probably the biggest love of my life. I loved books too. In fact, I loved anything that told a story. Apart from my life of course. That would probably be the world's shittiest story.