How to Be a Normal Person in the 21st Century: For Aliens

How to be a normal person in the twenty-first century

I'm sorry if this offends you in any way. These are not my opinions they are stereotypes I found on the internet and thought of myself.

In this how-to tutorial we will teach all and any visitors of extraterrestrial origin how to act like one of three different types of human beings mentioned in this book.

Disclaimer: Steps below do not guarantee complete success. All information was gathered from an abducted earthling that has not confirmed total knowledge of available options.

If you are going for the teenage girl follow these follow these few simple steps.

Step one: Have two or more social media accounts. Social media consists of Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc.

Step two: Take at least twenty "selfies", definition: A photograph one has taken of one's self, typically a photograph taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media. Choose the one that looks best; to be more specific, choose the one that looks the least like you.

Step three: Drink expensive brand-name coffee from Starbucks, but not before taking a selfie with it. Any regular coffee won't work quite as well so make sure you buy Starbucks coffee.

Step four: Use hashtags the more you use the more human you will seem. Example: #StarbucksSelfieSunday, #TakinOverEarth.

If you are going for an Asian of any gender you can follow the next handful of steps.

Step one: Have very tiny eyes; like this. Because everyone knows all Asian people have tiny eyes.

Step two: Be a terrible driver or a Tokyo drag racer. We aren't exactly sure how this is possible, but it is a human fact.

Step three: Don't call yourself American, because even though your disguise was born there they will most likely be from China.

Step four: Be an intellectual genius with your best subject being math or computer sciences.

Fun fact: The reason humans place their wet phone into rice is so that Asians will come in the middle of the night to fix the phone.

And last, but certainly not least if you're going for the jerky bad boy these next steps are for you.

Step one: Wear sunglasses inside. There is no reason to do this other than to look incredibly ridiculous, but the humans do it so you should to if you are planning on becoming one.

Step two: Talk about how great you are twenty-four/seven. We believe this is because everyone is always interested in you.

Step three: Treat girls like absolute trash, and date one after another at your pleasure.

Step four: Wear a leather jacket, because leather jackets are cool.

You are now on your way to becoming a normal human being in the twenty-first century. Keep your eyes or eye open for our next book, "How to successfully take over planet Earth".

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Please feel free to leave your opinions in the comments section. If you find any grammatical errors please comment them also.