"Noa," Elizabeth said, her mind blurred from the numbness produced by her tears. "Is my ex-boyfriend. And as you would expect, I was dumped my him…"
Jay held her hand, not saying a word because he was scared Elizabeth might clam up again.
"It was really my fault you know. I liked him more, and I liked him first. They're never a good combination together since it always hurts one side more than the other, but I couldn't help it. I was depressed back then. I suffered from serious inferiority complex and low self-esteem issues. Not that I don't have them now, it was just more severe back then. And I was vulnerable to love. And I loved Noa. He had the same haunted eyes as I. The same shadows looming around him. I felt that he could understand me, I thought he could love me back. Normally I would just shy away from people, scared that they might see my scars and problems, but I really wanted to be with Noa. Just by being next to him had a clinical effect.. I was just that desperate…And I took advantage of the fact that he was lonely, that he needed someone to lean on. I exploited his solitude. When he said 'yes' to my confession, I knew that he was just being nice. I was his friend, and he didn't want me to feel bad. But being nice and being kind are different things. Being nice is when you think you're doing the right thing. Being kind is when you actually are.
"If Noa was being kind he should have said 'no'. He should have allowed me to face the reality.Then the fact that he couldn't love me even when I was so close to him wouldn't have hurt so much.
"I cheated on him hoping to fuel jealousy. It's stupid, I know. But I was that desperate, although I know that that isn't an excuse at all. It started from something small. I joked around a couple of guys in front of him. Flirted with some of them. I even kissed one of them. Maybe I was hoping that all my stupid acts would hurt him, because hate resembles love. But Noa was too nice. Too numb. He'd ignore what he has seen or heard. He probably knew that ending this relationship would break me more than it would have broken him… But if Noa was being truly kind, he would have told me the truth… I'm pathetic aren't I?"
Elizabeth leaned on Jay's shoulders. Jay patted her back slowly. Thump, thump, thump. He muffled the echoes of her sobs.
