~~
I have a friend, she's so stubborn. But she's one of a kind. One night, we're in our apartment's rooftop. She suddenly ask me a question that made my eye close to tears.
Khailer, will you cry if one day I'm already gone? She asked. Her eyes are full of sadness
I am shocked of what she just asked.
What do you mean by gone,Louie? I asked,full of questions in my head.
She then smiled sadly. Gone...I mean..Would you cry if...tomorrow there's no Louie here beside you? She smiled. But I know it's not sincere.
I know her very well since we were kids.
I faked a laugh. Louie, I don't know what you're talking about. Let's have dinner? Come on!. I stand up and wipe my tears falling through my cheeks.
Well, I don't want her to see me in this situation. She said years ago that I'm her strength,and I also promised her that I will be her strength no matter what.
We're eating in the nearest fastfood chain while I'm telling her some stories and jokes. Obviously,making her happy. But whenever she laugh, I know that she's so problematic.
After a half of an hour,we decided to leave. But unfortunately something fell from her pocket. It was a...pills?
She looked at me, nervously. I grabbed her wrist and I saw what that pills are.
What's this,Louie? I already told you to stop hurting yourself,and now you have pills? what're these for?. I asked her calmly. I don't want her to be pressured.
Her eyes become teary. Shit!
I-im sorry I just c-can't handle this problems and even my self a-anymore. Then seconds later,she burst into tears.
My knees got weak. But I need to be strong for her.
I sighed. I told you Louie. Im here,always. Then, I hugged her. Making her feel loved and important at the same time.
We went back in our condo, actually we're just neighbors. We're not sharing room. Ofcourse.
But everynight I'm always overthinking about what is Louie doing this time? I just can't loose her. There are times that I caught her unconscious because of so much blood loss. Because she's cutting her wrist EVERY.FUCKING.TIME. There's one time that she almost died. I cried. HARD. I'm so fucked up that time. I don't know what to do. That day, I just can't stop crying. She's a suicidal girl. And I'm Khailer. His anxiety saviour.
________________
I woke up and take a shower. After that, I knocked on Louise room. But no one answered. I noticed that her door is lock outside. So I immediately ran out of that condominium.
There she is!. A wide smile form on my lips as I ran towards her. But unfortunately I didn't see a 12 wheeler truck coming towards me. Suddenly I just feel myself weak. VERY WEAK. As I hear people around me screaming with their nervous faces. Shit! I can't move. I feel so weak.
Hey Khai! look at me. I see Louie crying so fucking hard. I couldn't even touch her face nor her hand. What's this feelin'? I HATE THIS FEELING.
She continuously crying so damn hard. Hang on o-okay? I'll call an ambulance! shit!. After she say those words,I feel so hopeless.
No, it's okay. I fight my voice not to stutter. I don't want her to think that I'm so weak.
You said you're always there for me right? this time,fight Khailer. Not for me,but for yourself. Please... I'm...begging you. D-don't leave me. I can't...
Shh, I'm not leaving okay? I'm here, right by your side. Can't you see? I felt a different feeling. My whole body are not responding. I can't even move a little.
I should be the one in that situation Khai! you're so unfair. She protested while crying.
Louie...S-so noisy. I tried to throw a joke on her but it really made her cry more.
I didn't said this before. But Khailer, I want you to know that I love you so much. Im just afraid that you'll turn me down if I confessed my feelings for you. I'm sorry if I keep it a secret. I love you...
After she said those words I felt my tears flowing down to my cheeks as she caressed my face.
I need to said this words to her. I wanna confess too. But I can't speak. Shit!.
Atleast, before I'll die, I know that she loves me more than I do. I'm satisfied.
I mouthed the word I love you to her while my eyes are closing,then everything went black.
-End-
