avengers x reader oneshots (slow updates)

steve x suicidal reader

useless.

unwanted.

unloved.

waste of space.

ugly. 

those are the words you hear so often not just from other people ...well that to but usually from a voice in your head it always shouts at you and makes you feel more worthless then dirt but you couldn't tell anyone that you didn't know how, you didn't know how to ask for help , how do you do that , how do you ask someone for help when you don't know what's wrong with you or rather don't want to admit what's wrong with you so you keep your happy smile that hides so much pain that's inside you you keep telling yourself and others "i'm fine" and just keep it  inside also cause you feel your feelings and emotions and insignificant compared to others you're nothing special so why would anyone care and way would you deserve it you told yourself as you sat on the couch in the tower this whole thing was all in your head that whole conversation .all in your head you didn't realize you were crying until your amazing boyfriend steve rogers sat down next to you and wiped a tear from your face you saw nothing but concern on his face you thought it was sweet but then all in a second you thought about how much you don't deserve  him he deserves someone better someone less broken you looked down but he lifted your chin "what's wrong doll what happened did someone hurt you " he said starting to panic a little "you thought it was sweet but you still didn't feel good about anything "i'm fine hon i just read a really sad story online it's fine i'm fine " you said trying to convince him and yourself he didn't really look convinced he also noticed you had been looking very thin but he let it slid he just sat with you and held you then he remembered "oh i'm sorry doll but i have a mission i need to go on i'm leaving now " you only just now noticed he was in his suit "oh alright it's ok please be safe and careful if you get killed i'm gonna bring you back and kill you again" you said jokingly "don't worry sweetheart i'll be fine goodbye love" he said as he got up kissed your forehead and walked away "oh and don't worry i'll be back in about a day" he said walking out the door you got up and went to your room you are an avenger as well but you had nothing to do so you decided to clean do some painting and then train very early in the morning before steve got home so you did just that  

time skip to morning training

you walked to the training room and you saw her g/n (g/n means girls name ) you didn't like her at all for one she was jealous of you and steve she always acted so slutty around him trying to get his attention it never worked but she was also rude and very mean to you she was beautiful and made you feel insecure even though you were beautiful you couldn't see it at all you always thought you were ugly so you tried your best to ignore her you wrap your hands and walk over to the punching bag and started hitting it letting out some anger you didn't realize how hard you were hitting it till it burst so you walk over to the treadmill but before you could get to it you were pulled back by your hair it was g/n of course she looked at you and laughed " wow you really think that will make a difference that's funny but really you should just quit before you make yourself look even more stupid i mean thinking steve actually loves you wow pathetic " she dropped you and kicked you multiple times and walked away chuckling you were laying there in so much pin but you thought she was right so you pulled yourself off the ground and stumbled to your room you were crying so much you could barely see you look atyourself in the mirror and you feel revolted from the way look even though you had been starving yourself you still thought you looked fat even thought you were very skinny and had a good amount of muscle you pull out your box of razors you knew you had to end it then steve could have who he wanted who he deserved you take one out of the box as you sob you dig the blade into your skin and just keep slicing over healed scars as the blood started to pool on the floor but you didn't realize that steve just got back from the mission and was on his way up  

steve pov :

i just got back from the mission it wasn't hard i don't think i was even needed as i was walking through the kitchen on my way to mine and y/n's room i saw Natasha she smiled but then looked a little concerned "hey steve um has y/n been doing alright she doesn't seen herself she seems thin and i just saw her limping back to your room do you know what happened" she asked " hm no i don't but that doesn't sound good i'm going to go see what happened know bye natasha " "bye" she said back as i walked to our room i started to feel really worried as i opened our door i heard muffled sobs coming from the bathroom my heart broke at the sound i walked to the bathroom door and pressed my ear to it and then opened the door what i saw made my heart break even more my girl sitting in a ball in her own blood cutting her wrist sobbing her eyes out i ran grabbed the razor and hugged her tight   

y/n pov 

the door burst open and steve was there he looked horrified he ran to me and took the blade and hugged my i felt my shirt getting wet on my shoulder i looked at steve and he had tears streaming down his face 'oh god i caused him this pain god i'm so fucking useless ' i thought to myself " no! no you're not you're anything but that " he said getting up to get bandages for your arms it wasn't just your wrist it was both your arms oh god how could you say that out loud h came back with bandages he was still crying he picked you up and put you on the toilet he stayed silent while raping your arms he would sometimes place a kiss here and there once he was done he stood up took off your bloody clothes and his he changed both you and himself he then he stood and picked you up and held you close he walked out to the bedroom and sat down with you in his lap h stroked your cheek and made you look at him to your surprise he still had tears streaming down his face then he asked the question you were dreading to hear "why why love please tell me why i need to know so i can help you and how long have you been doing that please tell me and be honest please " he said begging you to open up you looked into his blue eyes you crumbled you told him everything ,everything you were feeling everything that girls did to you he was sad hurt and angry sad cause you felt that way that you had to go through that hurt cause you thought he didn't love you or that he would leave if you told him the truth angry because that girl not only lied and was very rude and hurtful but also hit you and made you think you didn't deserve his love but he just held you once you were finished he took a moment and then said "y/n please promise me you'll never do that again you have no idea how much you man to me how much i need you i wouldn't be able to live if you weren't here with me you mean so much to the team and me we would fall apart without you it would never be the same ever again and i need you to know that i love you more then anything or anyone you're my sunshine please don't take my sunshine away my beautiful sunshine " after he said that you felt..... happy for the first time in a very long time you felt like you were worth something like you mattered and you have steve to thank for that" i'm sorry steve i promise i'll never do it again i promise i love you to so much " you whisper you both lay down and get under the covers steve wraps his arms tightly around you and whispered sweet nothings and how much he loves you until you both fall asleep and for once you feel asleep with a smile on your face and for once you woke up and felt good happy and content 

hi!!! it's me the person that wrote this i hope you liked it i'm going to post bucky and tony oneshots next i hope you like them and this if you didn't like this one i'm sorry but feel free to leave suggestions on what to do or let me know if i make some dumb errors thank you i hope you have a great day byee!