Illicit Intentions-Epilogue

Illicit Intentions-Epilogue pt. 1

 "That doesn't look right...there's just something missing." Turning the camera angle, you snap a few more shots, looking for the perfect framing, but it just doesn't happen. Flustered, you blow your hair out of your eyes and sneak a peek at Yoongi who's lying on the picnic blanket spread across the green grass. His eyes are closed as he basks in the sunlight, while you're frustrated without a picture.

It was supposed to be a day of relaxation away from the pressures of work and deadlines, but somehow you always managed to make it stressful.

"Baby, come here. You should be resting...doctor's orders." You scrunch your nose at your husband who is now nose deep into the fruit bowl you cut up just for this picnic. He always had the answer and solution, while you always had the problem. It wasn't supposed to be a day for working, but here you were trying to rush the deadline again. To top it off, you had also rented a mini studio so that you could do commissions from time to time as a side hobby. You were just naturally a worker, while Yoongi was naturally a rester.

He worked just as hard, but for whatever reason, he managed to take things in stride. "I know what the doctor said, but he isn't the one with customers waiting for their portraits and commissions." Yoongi laughs at your tone. Ever since you started hormone therapy, you'd become touchy. Neither of you were to blame as both of you were healthy and fertile. Like any normal married couple, you should have been pregnant by now, but you weren't. Naturally you blamed yourself; in honesty, the way you ran around in life, your body was too exhausted to procreate. "Hey now. Baby...just relax. Didn't we plan this time so that we could relax and let go of work. You're on summer break. Enjoy it."

His tone was sweet and patient, but it was starting to get on your nerves. Why did he always have an answer for everything? It's not like you didn't already know what he was telling you.

"I'm trying. I just have to get these done and then I'll rest." Yoongi just snorts and goes back to napping. He knew you were too stubborn to quit. "Alright, baby. I'll be here."

An hour later, Yoongi was snoring while you worked on tearing through several rolls of film. "Maybe one of these will be perfect." you hum to yourself.

Packing up your things, you realize the sun is starting to go down, and you haven't even spent any time with Yoongi at all. Guilt pulls at your heartstrings. He's been trying so hard to please you and be there for you, but you were being a jerk.

"These damned hormones....." Moving back down to the blanket, you bend over to kiss him sweetly on the nose. He stirs a bit and you bite back a smirk at how cute he was. The wind picks up slightly, raising up a few strands of his blond hair. He colored it just for you because you mentioned how it would look nice on him. It turns out you weren't wrong. Moving your lips down to his own, you peck him tenderly causing him to snap his eyes open.

"Hey...:"

"Hey, yourself. You ready to go home?"

"Mmmhmm."

Yoongi helps you pack everything quickly and you kind of wish you hadn't been so caught up with your projects. He would never openly blame you, he was too good for that, but you were the reason you couldn't get pregnant. Whenever you both planned time off, or even tried to track ovulation, you always managed to sabotage it. Yoongi consistently supported you and never once complained, but you knew he wasn't happy. He wanted a baby with you so much, but sometimes you wonder whether or not you wanted a baby at all. All of the hard work and planning just placed a lot of pressure on you–pressure you didn't want.

Even if you had your reasons, all of this only lent to the terminal feeling that you were keeping him from the chance he deserved. There was no doubt in your mind that he would be an amazing father, but you weren't ready to be a mother. It would be easy to explain it to him, tell him how you felt, but his heart was already set on the matter. Telling him would only cause problems that you weren't ready to face, and you being the coward you are didn't dare bring it up.