Hate that I Love You

Thirteen

Monté

"Everything I do, I do it for you, your life was taken away from me and it pains me to know I will never see my mommy again. Lately everything has been good, I graduate and moved to New York, found a boyfriend who I adore but I'm not sure if he's all in for me but I don't want to lose him either. But anyways I love you & I hope the angels treating you right."

I close my journal and set it on the nightstand. I usually write to my mom every night before I go to sleep but lately I've been busy so I haven't had the time to.

I haven't talked to Dave once since Smoke dropped me off at home, he thought I was playing when I told him I wanted to go home, I didn't even wait for him to get in the car because it's like why would you ever put me in a situation where you know something but you not saying nothing so I'm sitting here looking like the fool while he sit there being friendly.

I grab my phone and began to make my social media accounts, It's time for me to stop procrastinating on things I need to get done for this job. I just want everything to start going good so I can get to this money, I really want to go all out for my birthday this year.

_________

diamonteharper: I'm the Queen and I'm here to stay🤍
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After posting my picture on all social media platforms, notifications started rolling in, I am gaining a lot followers especially on instagram. I read a few comments most of my followers was on some chill positive shit.

I sat in the bed scrolling through my social media timelines just trynna get the ropes of everything. I've never once had a social media account, I really don't care about what people post and the latest trends. I'm only starting them now because it's required at my job.

I pull my phone out and call Jaz while I sort my clothes to wash.

"Heyyy Girl, I missed you bitch." Jaz says excitedly  answering the phone.

"Hey girl, I miss you too. I really need to come down there and visit once I get situated out here." I say making sure I separate my lights and darks.

"No forreal bitch..so tell me something how's life with ya new man, I seen you made a instagram bitch yo shit is blowing up and you don't even got no fan base...well other than those people that know you're Dave's girlfriend." She rambles.

I set my dark clothes in the washing machine and walk into the kitchen putting my phone on speaker.

"Bitch okay so let me tell you what happened the other day and you tell me if I'm wrong for not talking to him, so we went to this party my stylist invited me to and we didn't even make two seconds in the party here come this woman, Dave's old "publicist" and so she chopping it up with him and bitch she didn't address me when she walked up and then had the nerve to try to downplay me infront of Dave which I know for sure Dave fucked the woman you can see it all over him, but i'm not mad about that I'm mad about the simple fact that I was looking stupid like I don't care I told Dave this when we first got together, "Be real with me and don't have me looking stupid because I won't do you like that."

"Girl no you not wrong, Dave needs to find the line in between his groupies and his woman, all this is new to him Monté so give him so slack but not too much slack cause the nigga can cheat on you." She says laughing. The sad part about it is that wasn't even funny to me, I really feel like I'm starting to love Dave and I hope he don't end up running out of my life too.

*

Dave

3 days later...

I miss her. She won't text me back or return any of my calls. She says she needs time for herself and I gave her that but two days without being able to kiss or touch her, or even just to see her smile in the morning. Yeah, I've fallen too deep into this shit that started off as friends.

I've never been like this where I only want to talk to one person and that's the main person that's trynna stay away from me. I get that I've embarrassed her and that's my fault but don't charge it to my heart na mean, I just want my shorty to speak to me.

These past few days, I've been grinding in the studio I got tour coming up in two more months and I gotta prepare for it.

After I finish my last few bars, I take the headphones off my ears and set em on the mic before walking out the booth. My producers, J Roc and Melly been working on this new ablum I actually wanna call Monté. She's been my muse lately whatever I feel about her I can just write it down and keep it flowing she's a nigga inspiration forreal and she has motivated me alot to get my rap career off the ground, starting with this new album.

"How that sound?" I ask drinking my bottled water.

"That shit is a banger man, let us do what we do, you can go home to your shorty early tonight man." J Roc says.

"I might just do that, I'm so sick of her thinking she mad at me, a nigga messed up but it ain't shit I can do to take it back, If I could unfuck a lot of the hoes to make her feel better I would but I can't so she gon have to let this shit go." I ramble.

"A bit of advice man, I been married for 18 years and eventually you gotta be all about her man, you over here losing ya mind and going off about her cause you love her and you need to tell her. Don't lose a good shorty trynna keep shit playa cuh, na mean. Handle ya shit patna," Melly lectures before dapping me up.

I dap them up and grab my stuff. When I make it to the car I get a notification to my phone, someone from my contact list made a instagram. I click on the notification to see Monté's new instagram. I like her picture and comment. I miss my baby, I gotta make this shit right.