Its gay idk what else to say

Chapter 9, Lily POV

Authors note: Warning: Gay ahead

Once Claire leaves the street, I step into the house and take a deep breathe before I unpack what the hell just happened. I keep pushing myself closer and closer to Claire and I don't know why, or rather, I don't want to know why. Ugh, why am I thinking about her so much? Frustrated, I decide to go to my room and scream into my pillow. It's so late and I don't want to go downstairs because my mom will ask about my "sleepover" and figure out I wasn't where I said I was. Instead, I stay in my room and watch video on my phone. I keep trying to focus on what I'm watching but my mind always drifts back to Claire. I can't stop thinking about her and her face and her smile and her arms and. Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with me? I think, this isn't like me. I groan and get up to brush my teeth, I look at myself in the mirror and just stare at myself for a while. I can't believe I'm acting so strange, usually I'm so composed, so why is one girl making me act like this? I brush my teeth and quickly get into bed. I lay there staring at my ceiling fan spinning for a while. Watching it spin over and over eventually makes me sleepy and I drift off into sleep.

I wake up to see the same fan spinning that made me fall asleep. I jump out of bed, excited that I didn't have a confusing dream about Claire. I try to hop off the side of my bed but my foot hits something under the covers. I throw the bed sheets over to find a sleeping Claire curled up in my bed, just my luck. I rub my eyes, thinking of what to do. I'm aware that this is a dream since I'm a lucid dreamer, but still. Unaware of what else to do, I gently shove Claire to wake her up. She gets up, looking about as tired as I am (or feel, how does this work in a dream?) and turns over to me. "Good morning honey." She says, giving me a hug. My face turns red and I just stay there, not moving. "Uh- I- uh." I stammer out as Claire lets go and gives a flirtatious giggle. She pulls me down onto the bed and stays there, staring at me. "Your face is so adorable, I can't get enough of it." She tells me. I stay there, blushing furiously for a while and then she pulls me up. Before I know whats going on she kisses me, making me go into full panic mode. I stay there silent, not being able to think for a few seconds until she pulls away. She stares at my face which is redder than a tomato and laughs. Before I can say anything else, she pushes me down onto the bed and starts making out with me. I'm tempted to make her stop but something stops me. This is just a dream, this doesn't mean anything. I tell myself, as I let her kiss me more. We stay there, kissing for a good 10 minutes until she stops. She stays there smiling at me, while I lay there, dumbfounded by what just happened. "I'd like to do this more, but I think you have something to do." She says, smiling. "Wait I-" I start to say before I wake up, in my real bed this time.

I sit up, drenched in sweat as usual. This has been going on for way too long, I need answers. I turn on my phone and text my friend. "I need advice with a." I leave the message for a while, thinking if I should tell them it's a girl before I decide to lie. "I need advice with a boy." I text them. A minute later I get a reply back. "Sure, what's up?" They say. "I keep having dreams where he's kissing me, and I don't know what it means." I say. Almost immediately, they send an emoji of a person laughing. "Jesus Lily, how dense can you be? Do you really not know what that means or are you just messing with me." They reply. Before I have a chance to reply they sent a bunch of heart emojis. "You're in love Lily." They say. I put my phone down, my face turning red. God, I don't want this to be real. Why did she have to be in my class? I hate this, I hate her, I hate the way she talks, the way she stares off into space all the time, the way she's always there for me, the way she's always laughing, the way... My face turns red as reality catches up with me. I'm gay, and I love Claire. "Shit!" I say as I realize what I have to do. I get out of my bed and rush downstairs, I don't bother telling my mom where I'm going as I rush out the door and begin sprinting towards Claire's house. I keep running, my breath failing me but I don't care. I start to lose track of time, and before I know it I'm at her house. I run up to the door and ring the door bell panting. I hear some footsteps and I try to gain my composure. Claire opens the door. "Hey Lily, what are you doing here?" She asks. Before she can say another word and without any hesitation, I grab her face and kiss her.