No Place Like Home ✔

Seven

Day eleven. 

"Where were you last night?" Adam inquired after a moment of silence. 

"What do you mean?"

"I came here after making dinner so I could give you some food too," he began. "But you weren't here." 

I said nothing.

"I assumed you'd went to sleep elsewhere and even searched the two streets opposite to this one," he confessed. "But you weren't in any of those places either."

"I don't remember where I went last night," I lied. "I usually try to find a comfortable place to sleep - then boom, knocked out." 

"I understand," he nodded. "It was probably for the best that I didn't end up finding you. The food was beginning to get cold anyway."

And thus came another wave of guilt. With him, things were always like this - he said the most harmless things whilst being an ocean of guilt that I was struggling to stay on the surface of. He was bringing back my sense of morality; and I didn't like that one bit. 

Or maybe I did. Maybe I was just afraid of coming to terms with how horrible of a being I truly was. Yes, I was aware of the fact that I deserved no place in this world for being as horrid as I was; however, I hadn't let that get to me. Now, however, with Adam, I found myself contemplating my decisions more often than not. I found myself staying up late at night only to curse myself in my head for the person I had become. I found myself hating myself more than I did prior to meeting him. 

"I noticed something," he brought up out of nowhere.

"And that is?"

"You always smell nice," he began. "I don't mean that in a creepy way or anything it's just.. it's so hot out here but you always smell like expensive perfume. How do you do that?"

"Maybe it's just natural," I suggested. "Also there are public showers in the Hemville beach."

"Hemville?" he repeated. "But that's so far away. You really walk that far?"

"I do," I nodded - a swift lie.

"How come your feet aren't calloused then?" 

"What are you trying to say?" I fired back, feeling a sense of defensiveness wash over me. He couldn't possibly be catching up to the game I was playing, could he?

"Calm down," he chuckled. "What else would I be trying to say? All I'm saying is I think you're really cool. I appreciate you for that. I wouldn't be able to get past even a day out here in the heat."

"You get used to it," I said before deciding on changing the topic at hand so as to keep him from noticing any holes in the stories I was telling. "How come you only come round here in the evening?" 

"Because I have to attend classes in the morning," he spoke. "University. I only began going for walks because of how stressful my classes were getting. Every single day it's like report on top of report, studying on top of more studying, stress on top of even more stress."

"High-school was worse," I said.

"You've been to university?"

"'Course I have," I began. "After my parents died though I wasn't able to afford it. Dropped out."

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty four," I informed him. "And you are?"

"I'm Adam," he joked, earning himself a look of judgement from me.

"You're being difficult."

"I'm twenty one," he admitted. "You're old."

"I'm three years older than you."

"Still old. I was ten when you were thirteen."

"Don't compare apples to oranges," I snorted. "That was years ago. This is now."

"So you're the kind of guy who focuses more on the present?"

"No," I responded. "Nobody really focuses on the present unless they're a child. You're always either dwelling on the past or thinking about the future."

"You can't speak on the behalf of all people."

I can't even speak on the behalf of one person. I shouldn't be allowed to. 

"Can I be honest with you?" he questioned after we'd fallen silent. 

"I'd prefer that, yeah."

That made me laugh. Me saying I'd prefer him being honest over him telling a lie whilst I was seated there living the biggest lie. I was a hypocrite, that's what I was. Perhaps that's what I was born to be my entire life. Nothing but a miserable liar. 

As if being a pathological liar wasn't enough, I was heavily selfish as well - and had my narcissistic days too. I was fueled by my own self-absorbed comments and ran on nothing but a drowning feeling of superiority. 

Horrible. That's the only word left to describe myself as a whole.

Horrible.

"Why do you think I spoke to you the first day? Like, out of nowhere. Be totally honest."

He was asking me to be honest. I laughed.

"Because you were bored? Lonely? Beats me," I shrugged. 

"That.. makes a lot of sense, but no, not really. Think again."

"You want to be seen as a good person in front of your peers?" I assumed. 

"Why are all your guesses so.. strange? Do you really think I'm that mean?" he chuckled. 

I glanced at him before letting out a silent laugh. 

He had no idea.

"Guess, go on," he urged. 

"I can't guess anymore, why won't you just tell me?" I complained. 

"Don't get mad," he began with a sigh. "I actually have to write a report for my psychology class."

"And what is it on?"

"On how people behave," he stated as if I should've known. "Like.. I don't know how to explain it to you exactly but I guess I decided to go with a more application-based way of doing it? That's why I'm trying to get closer to you - so I can see how you act."

"Why me?"

"Because I've never had to go through what you're going through - that makes it all the more challenging," he said with a small grin. "And there's a part in the report which even asks you to attempt to change the person if they're a pessimist or maybe try to make their life a little better."

"Are you trying to change me?"

"I'm trying to make your life a little better."