365 days before Christmas

December, 25. 2015.

(After year)

- Mister, I'm sorry, - the man touched Justin's shoulder, who immediately turned to the voice, - Could you move away, please? My children won't see the fireworks.

The guy moved slightly to the side and fixed his brown eyes at the black sky, in which only a couple were visible.

"You're out there somewhere," Justin whispered. "I know."

The corners of the lips rose slightly. The eyes turned red. There was a feeling that now he did not blink, afraid to miss something at this moment.

"Forgive me," the guy whispered, closing his eyes tightly. Any words were difficult to say for him. A lump rolled up to my throat. - I lost you, - a tear rolled down his cheek, he had no strength to brush it off. Feelings overwhelmed him, and, unfortunately, they were not what the people around him were experiencing now. The word "happiness" lost its meaning for him. Life has lost its meaning. Why he needs to live when your heart is breaking with love for someone who cannot be told about it? It's impossible.

"Mister," said a little girl with a huge bow on her head, who stood nearby and devoured an ice cream cone. "You feel bad? " - her face took on a changed look, and her smile completely disappeared.

"No, no," - Justin threw the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, «I'm fine» - the guy said with a smile. The girl immediately answered in the same way and turned away to her parents in anticipation of the long-awaited action.

"I can't," he muttered to himself, hoping that his words would reach her. He just believed it. «How to live when our bed is empty? What to do when life loses its meaning without you?»

He hoped that all the answers would be found, and the questions would disappear immediately. But this did not happen and will not happen. Humanity has not yet invented such mechanisms to answer questions that have no answer.

Bright luminous sparks fell sharply on the sky, and deafening applause and children's delight appeared on the ground. It is difficult to look at happy people when you are suffering and cannot experience the same feelings. After all, a year ago, everything was different. She stood next to him, clutching his strong hand, her eyes filled with light, and her heart was overflowing with love. Then they had two hearts, now they share one. In different worlds.

«Now and forever,» - a salty liquid were pouring from the eyes. Justin buried himself in his sweatshirt, hiding from others. Bright colors appeared in the sky, and the air already smelled of inexplicable fumes. The children looked up admiringly, and the parents hugged their children with pleasure. Everyone seemed to be happy except Justin. He believed that he was not allowed to be happy when she was not here. With him. She was everything, but boom and she disappeared.

"You have no idea how much I love you."

He raised his eyes to the sky, trying to address her. She is there. She is one of the stars that adorned the night sky.

"I will love you forever,"- a lump rolled up to the guy's throat, and he could not hold back his sobs. His hands covered his face, trying to drown out the sounds. Since she was gone, he cried a couple of times. But now it was her favourite day, which only with her he was obliged to spend it. He simply could not deliver the Christmas tree this year. Everything reminded of her, every little thing already meant something in their lives.

He turned sharply and walked out of the square filled with people. It was beyond his strength to be here. Tears ran down his cheeks, leaving wet marks and falling into the guy's mouth. Unable to calm himself down, he sat down on a bench near his house. Justin has been looking for a buyer for a long time, because he could not stay in this house that was once filled with kindness and love.

Lights came on in the windows. People hugged and exchanged gifts prepared in advance. Justin took out a red box from his pocket, which had once caused quite a lot of trouble for him and Jess. The memory made him smile, because the box almost ruined their first Christmas. Unable to open it, he twirled it in his hands and put it back in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

It is impossible to live on without her. This box is the most important reminder of Jessica - his first and only love, which now adorned the starry sky.

So 365 days have passed since their first Christmas.

And now It's a next 365 days before Christmas without her.