pretty pink

chapter 1 Where it all started

I'm starting off a few years in the past. To sketch the storyline off Katy. It's just 1,5 chapters but wanted to explain this enjoy reading it.

Katy's point of view
I'm finaly 15 years old. And I am in high school. But why isnt anything working out for me. I'm so sad all the time. You know my dad just had a braininfarct and turned out he had multiple in the past. He's always mad at me I can't do anything right.

At the same time I finally have a friend that I can trust. How I call her never by her full name so I'll use her nickname here as wel Math. Yes I know it sound like the school subject but I promise you she's good for me. I'm preparing for my exams this year so I'll check back in when those are happening.

Time skip
My 16th birthday is today aswell as my first exam. I honestly could care less about them. I'm feeling like shit and am sad all the time. I just want this time to be over so I can take some time to get some rest. I still have a few exams left after that I finally can take some time for myself. I'm still dancing but my group isnt the best. Math is in the group but the rest off the girls are always negative every class. I'm so sick and tired off it.

But back to the exams I'm planning to celebrate the fact that I'm passed together with my birthday. This way I can get away without having to celebrate big since that costs me way to much energy. I'm going to keep it small. Just Math, me and 4 off our freindgroup. Just burning my old workbooks and eating pizza. So that was really fun and easy going.

My next step will be the college course to a daycare worker. Here in the Netherlands we work with a little bit off a different system instead off working with a major we work with choosing a more specific job and study towards it.

Time skip
I'm starting college today I'm so excited but still really tired. I couldn't really get that much rest since my parents always had a chore for me. Now were starting classes and our internships. I'm feeling okay but could be better let's see how I'm doing in a couple weeks.

Time skip
Okay it's really bad now were in our arts class making masks. I chose to do a white with bright coloured splashes on the outside and black with dark splashes on the inside inside. It stands for that I always look and seem happy on the outside but feel like dying on the inside. A few weeks ago I found out that someone I love dearly is going to pass away very soon. Wait I hear something are that gun shots I look around and no one seems to notice.

I quickly put my earplugs in and put on some worship music to calm my self down. The closer we get to the end off the class the more anxious I get. And then the teacher tells us there was an attack in the metro close to our school. So I heard right it were shots.

That day I was in school until 18.30. I wanted to go home so bad. At that time we were allowed to be picked up by family. My grandmother came and picked me up. I was so happy she came and it brought me to tears. I was at a breaking point. But had to keep going.

My mom is forcing me to go to therapy I don't really want to do it but well if she wants me to I'll just do it for her. On the other hand the person I told you about who is very sick asked me to come by. I went and I can see she's in so much pain. She's probably gonna pass away this January which is in at most 5 weeks. I'm really sad and sleep about 4 hours a week. I'm not going to school for full days anymore since I decided to redo this year next year. I have therapy right now and that's helping.

Wow it's just a few days later its January 21th today and I had my rainbow dream again. Which means she past away or will pass away today. I'm really sad but it's better since she's out of pain now. I'm still in therapy but not telling her I have suicidal thoughts. I don't know if I ever will.

I'm working so hard to get better but everything is so tiring. I'm finally sleeping a little beter though.