Face reveal: Jas

At one of my worsts and life update

I'm disgusted at how many pimples I have on my forehead right now. I'm a lot greasier than usual. Anywho, don't feel bad about everyone posting about being all happy while on vacation with the perfect summer look when you look the way I look now. It's ok to post when you're at your worst, too, even little miss perfect who never has a bad hair day probably has bad hair days, acne, oil, and scars, but she's too ashamed to show it, not knowing she doesn't have to be, and that her instagram followers would love to see her without a filter.

I've been doing better than I have been in awhile, I have a really bad sinus infection with post-nasal drip, but other than that, I'm good. However, I am very, very tired. It might just be the fact that it's fall going on winter and while I'm not miserable, I am tuckered out, and idk how fast updates for Tales from The Ocean Family are going to come out now that I'm so tired. Also, I don't really have ways of creating combat scenes in the Sims 4 except for between humans and humans, so there might be a lack of pictures, and I have the plot figured out, but there are chapters missing and chunks of the story missing here and there, and I'm still learning to write combat and detective scenes, but I might just write these scenes my way but still do the research, as it just might be easier for me. I have an outline and I know how I want it to go, I just don't have the right words to put onto paper is all, and my creative juices are jammed.

I'm not depressed, but my mental health isn't so great. It's a number of things, namely the orange fuck named president pussy-grabber in power. He won't get my vote willingly, and I'll beat his ass if he tries to make me. My family is a divided house when it comes to him: everyone on my late Dad's and Stepdad's side is against him, everyone on my Mom's side but Mom is for him. He's driving us apart, and I hate him for it, and when he talked shit about that South Korean woman and South Korea as a whole, he made things personal. South Korean right here. Hello.

Then with recent events from COVID-19 to George Floyd, that slammed onto me full-force, I am still deeply affected by his murder, and I'm just as affected by the murder of every other person of minority at the hand of the police, and as a minority myself, I'm sincerely afraid it could happen to me. And then there's the usual anxiety, not nearly as bad now that I'm not in school anymore, but if I don't take my meds, I get really anxious, and even my medication doesn't quell my anxiety fully. Otherwise, I can't really pinpoint anything else. It's just unexplained, and that's the worst kind of anxiety of all, when you're anxious for no reason, you can't pinpoint the cause because there is none, so it's always there in the back of your mind, and the only thing you can do is wait for it to go away.

In better news, I'm getting a new Siberian this winter. I'm excited to have another kitty. I'm having a meeting tomorrow to form a plan regarding my first job, and anxiety aside, I feel content. I still miss my Dad, and sometimes, I think he's going to pull into the driveway with his car and take me home, and he'll be cancer-free, healthy, and happy, and he'll get to see me grow up, help me with my first job, and see me get married to the man or woman of my dreams, and walk me down the aisle. He'll become a grandfather and be an active part of his grandkids' lives. He'll get to live out his full life, well-taken care of by me and everyone else who loves him in his final days, and though his death would have been sad, it would have been easier knowing that he grew old and didn't succumb to cancer.

I don't care what anyone else says, it wasn't Dad's time, and I wish it were me instead of him so he could still be here for the rest of the family. Then again, no parent should have to bury their child. Still, I'd give anything, even my life, even all my disabilities, to have Dad back. Dad is the only thing I'd trade my disabilities for.

I also believe he didn't deserve to die, he's goodness personified, why would life kill someone like him? Why do the good die young? I want him back. Dad, idk if you can read this from wherever you are, and I wish I could have said it more than I already did, but I love you, Dad. More than anything, more than life.

Anyways, my life isn't crazy, and other than all this, I'm pretty happy. I'm just tired of being inside. I'm an ambivert, you have force me to go outside, but once you do, the floodgates have opened and I'm pouring out my life story to complete strangers. So after 83 days of quarantine, I had so much energy fueled from my introvert side from being forced to stay inside but still being able to socialize via technology which fueled my extrovert side, but I had no means of channeling this energy. I was probably not just charged, but overcharged and glowing like Johnny Flame/The Human Torch from the Fantastic Four. Now that energy continues to build, but I'm out of storage, so rather than making me powerful, it's weakening me and making me want to sleep all day. My life is pretty good other than what I mentioned previously, and I'm excited to get working on Tales from The Ocean Family. I just need my energy and to get my ideas to take a physical form and fill in what's missing. I know what I want in each chapter, I just don't know how to get what I want to take form. It's complicated. I don't know if I write like in running out of time, but I do write day and night, so maybe I'm just burnt out.

And that's all I guess I have to say.

Thank you for listening. I love you guys.

-Jas

Update: I got really depressed yesterday for reasons I'd rather not say and missed the meeting. I'm doing better now, but I'm officially miserable again.