tomorrow

1

I was laying in bed, doing nothing, like I do everyday, or most days of the week, lay there with my blanket over my body and music playing from my playlist, while I'm looking up at the ceiling or focusing on something else, for hours I lay there and think about my life, how I want it to end, my friends call me everyday to check up but most of the time I don't answer, my parents try to get me out of my room but I never want to, they want me to eat but I'm never hungry

I harm myself almost everyday, cuts on my arms from the times I've felt like committing, and the times i actually tried to commit, I just want my pain to be gone, I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to feel anymore, I'm just so tired of everything

I got up slowly from my bed and put my shoes on along with a sweater since it was windy out, I walked upstairs to the living room and looked at my parents

"I'm going out with my friends today" I said softly

They had a smile on their faces, like they were proud of me going out

"ok, call me when you see the boys, and text me when your coming home" my mom said hugging me

I held onto her a little longer, since it was going to be the last time I held her in my arms

"love you mama"
I kissed her on the cheek

"be safe" my dad hugged me patting my back

"love you pa"
I said opening the door and walking outside

I couldn't say bye to my little brother, he would have just pushed away like he always does, but it's fine. I'll see them all one day

I took my phone out and went to the group chat I had with my friends, so I could say my last goodbye

"I love you guys, thanks for everything"

I texted, I put my phone on silent and started walking down the block, seeing the birds fly above me. Cars pass by, I could hear the wind, hear the birds chirp

I seen a girl across the street. She was sitting on the grass leaning on a tree, she was writing something. She seemed calm, peaceful. She looked up and smiled at me, and I gave a small smile back and continued walking

I walked to the bridge not to far from my house and beneath it was a lake, you could barely see anything in the lake

I went over the railing and looked down, taking a deep breath, my last breath

y/n

I sat down on the grass leaning against the tree, I was writing down on my planner what I needed to do. I looked up and seen a boy, he was tall, I smiled at him and he smiled back, he continued walking while I continued writing

I checked my time and realized I was late for work, I put everything in my bag and started walking, I decided to take a shortcut since it was going to be faster. I looked ahead of me and seen the exact same boy I saw earlier, only he was over the railing of the bridge, I stopped walking and just looked at him, I took a deep breath and took my phone out calling 911

"911 what's your emergency?"

"I'm at the bridge on sunset and there's a teenage boy around 16-17, and it looked like he's going to jump"
I whispered since I didn't want him to hear me

"ok ma'am. There are police officers on there way right now, do not approach him and wait for them to get there"

"Ok. just tell them to turn there sirens off before they get here, because if he hears them he'll jump"

"ok ma'am, there'll be there shortly"

I hung up the phone and put it on my pocket, my heart was beating fast, I was scared, nervous, I had to do something

I walked forward and stood a couple feet away from him, I heard him sobbing, I seen him let go of the railing

"wait!" I yelled out and he quickly looked at me, his eyes were red and puffy

"go away" he mumbled looking down at the lake. It was about a 20 feet fall down the lake

"just talk to me"
I said

"no! I don't want to talk to anyone! I just don't want this pain anymore"
He yelled out

"think about what your going to do, what your family will think, how your parents are going to get the phone call that there sons body was found in the lake, how your mom is going to cry everyday wishing she could hug you again, how your dad is going to want to hug his son one more time,.think about how much pain you'll cause them"

"that's why I want to go, to stop their pain. they already can't deal with me"
he looked back at me gripping on the railing again

"you'll just cause them more pain, do you have any siblings?"

" a little brother"

"think about how he's going to feel. How he wished he could have hugged you, wish he'd spent more time with you. He's going to grow up without his big brother"

he was still looked at the lake, crying more than before

"think about how your friends will feel, how they'll blame themselves for not checking up on you, how'd they think about spending one last time with you

"you still have years ahead of you, you won't be able to graduate high school, won't be able to have kids, a family. Your dream job"

"but I just want people to leave me alone. I want to be free"

"and if you jump off this bridge that's going to be two people I had to seen kill themselves"

he looked back at me confused but also like he wanted to know

"my mother killed herself 2 years ago, I came home from school and seen her on the bed with a pill bottle beside her"

He looked back down at the water

"and everyday I wish to see her one last time. I would do anything in the world just to hug her again, everyday I see the image of her laying there, breathless, i had to call 911 telling them that my mother killed herself, Imagine how your family would feel"

"how your mom has to wake up every morning and know her son isn't going to say good morning to her"

"but I don't want to feel this pain anymore"
he cried out

"you won't have to, just give me your hand and we can talk. However long you want"

"promise?"
He asked

"I promise. Just give me your hand"
I said holding my hand out

he held my hand as he went over the railing. He fell into my arms and starting crying more. We were sitting on the floor and he held onto me. I took a deep breath calming myself down. And I heard the sirens, then they turned off, I looked behind me and seen a police car and an ambulance, I seen people running towards us, I didn't know who but I assumed it was his family, they looked shocked, scared

The paramedics got Mattia and put him on the gurney and shut the doors of the car

The police asked me to go with them for questions and so I did