In a corner booth of a nearby restaurant, Izuku watched as Katsuki's expression changed, changed, and changed again.
It wasn't dramatic, not that Katsuki was known for being subtle, but Izuku had observed him for so much of his life that he could usually read everything in between.
They quietly ordered, quietly ate, and quietly left.
Well that was a bust, Izuku's feelings on this wavered - to be nervous, upset, or tease Katsuki about it. He decided instead to sit on a bench and allow Katsuki to notice and join.
Izuku looked around and when they seemed reasonably out of ear shot, he spoke up. "You asked if we were okay. What are we to you? What do you want us to be?"
Katsuki opened his mouth, then closed it.
"May I ask what happened with Eijiro?"
At this, Katsuki rushed out with "What's he got to do with anything?"
Izuku looked at him carefully. "I thought that he.. that you two.."
"How-?"
Izuku smiled gently, looking away. "When I left, I had the feeling that Eijiro would confess to you soon, if he hadn't already.."
...
Katsuki blanked on what to say, not wanting to commit in any direction.
"I think.. you should give him a fair chance." At this, Katsuki faced him in what? Anger? Alarm?
"What are you- why?!" he stood up.
Izuku looked around, no one seemed to pay them any mind. He stood up and and hugged him, a soft hold and nuzzled his head in his chest. Just stay calm.
"Do you.. not want me anymore?"
It was hardly a whisper. Izuku tightened his hold briefly before taking a step back. Trying to read Katsuki's eyes, he chose his next words carefully.
"I am grateful for our time together.."
Katsuki turned on his heel, tch'ed walking away.
"Wait!" Izuku followed, careful not to draw attention.
Passing an alley way, he yanked Katsuki back and into it. Are his eyes wet? The alley was dark but he could see red glimmers. Izuku pulled him into a kiss, now desperate on his part. Well, we were never good with our words anyway..
A sound at the end of the alleyway distracted them. It's just a cat.. Sorting themselves, they stood straight and off the wall.
"Maybe, we could go on the rooftop?" Izuku suggested, taking in several stories on either side of them.
Sitting on the edge of the building and looking out at the skyline, they felt in eye-of-the-storm.
"It's embarrassing to say this, and to you.. but of course I'm grateful that you could look at me at even a fraction of how I had always looked at you.." Izuku laid on his side, resting his head on Katsuki's lap. It's easier to talk without facing him.. hopefully this will keep him still, too.
Katsuki leaned back, the image of Izuku going down on him in this position, with a city line as backdrop, crossed his mind briefly.
"I thank you, really, and I believe that you believe that you want this, but I think this is all sort of.. I feel like we're check marking some box, indulging in some 'what if?' more than anything.
I don't think you would've noticed this kind of feeling, or would have even been able to name it, if you hadn't fallen for Eijiro first to some degree. He's been laying down the work while I ran away. I felt guilty when I left this time, realizing too late that I had stepped on his toes.
Things are different now than back then.. I think that now you should-"
"Stop."
Izuku froze. Don't get worked up..
"You're deciding a lot on your own right now."
"M-maybe, but.." Izuku agreed quickly.
"So what? When you left this time you weren't planning on coming back to me? While I was here waiting for you like an idiot? Then why are you here now?"
Katsuki sat up with Izuku still on his lap. His hand hovered to swipe his hair aside to see his face.. but Izuku seemed so stiff that he decided against it.
"Did you think you could just pass me off to someone else? Because you felt bad for them? What about me?!"
"I think! I think.. I want to be honest with you.. and that I don't want this to be an argument. I don't want either of us to regret any of this.."
They both waited for the 'but' to formulate..
"I don't think I can believe in us while feeling guilty towards Eijiro. He, he l-"
Katsuki would've flared up if he hadn't felt moisture between Izuku's face and his thigh. Before his brain could catch up to switch gears, he heard Izuku continue.
"I believe that I'm right, and it's not that I want to be.. but I want, no, I need for you to come to that realization yourself.. the sooner you do, the sooner we can stop hurting other people we care for."
People? "Eijiro.. he doesn't want anything to do with me."
Izuku didn't expect to be the first to move, yet he shot right up, teary-eyed. "What do you mean? What happened?!"
Katsuki had managed to more or less listen to Izuku calmly, as he had laid himself vulnerable.. but now he was slow with shock with the energy change.
"He confessed, didn't he?" For as much as Izuku had mentally relinquished to Eijiro, he couldn't help the sting of jealousy? as his assumptions rooted.
Katsuki didn't miss the flash in his eyes, which made him more confused and even nervous to answer. Did he?
He wracked his mind slowly, he hadn't given him the chance to at the restaurant, and he was quick to block out how he had been topped. He avoided him the next few days, still processing how he felt about That.. then he recalled:
~Eijiro had pinned him around his waist, face down with just moisture from his eyes between them.. also vulnerable, he had said he didn't know what had started all this, but he had to have known he liked him.~
"Ah.." Katsuki let out with muddled admittance. He's known this, without allowing it to come up to the surface, he knew these thoughts danced in the back of his mind but he wasn't ready for them.. because he wanted.. he wanted to..
"Check mark." He admitted defeatedly.
"Kacchan.."
Katsuki's eyes were spacing, yet tears gathered.
Not knowing what this meant for him, Izuku hugged him quietly anyway. At this, he heard Katsuki exhale and felt sobs wrack his body.
Damn it! Why did I have to find out about both at the same time?! I want.. I want more time! "I want more time!" choked up, Katsuki made it all real with this confession. He felt the weight of all related responsibilities crash down on him.
Izuku looked up and kissed his forehead. He understood. Katsuki was probably meant to be with Eijiro, and maybe that was about to unfold naturally at their pace.. but I screwed it all up, all time had long passed.
"It hurts to say I'm sorry. I'm not sorry about our time, but I'm sorry it came when it did!" What had started as a whisper ended in a shout, now Izuku was wiping left and right to keep up with his tears.
Katsuki's eyes refocused. How? How can I ask him to give me more time and then just be 'okay' with it when I make amends with.. No, Eijiro wouldn't forgive me - or worse, he will - and I can't let him hurt himself like that. I don't deserve either. Neither of them should forgive me.
An unfamiliar jab of hopelessness shot through Katsuki. He got up slowly, then aided Izuku up as he was still wiping his face. He patted him awkwardly on his back, then turned to walk away.
He didn't feel the energy to use his quirk to get down. He was at his limit with everything that he just "GAHH!!!" He roared into dark nothingness.
This startled Izuku into losing his footing.. at the edge of the building.
***
