grey clouds blocked the sun, a loud crackle snapped in the sky making your body tense and jump in the passengers seat. the car hummed as the soft pitter patter of rain made its way down to the window. your head was heavy, full of doubt and sorrow. a heavy heart that hurt so much when you were with him, but it fucking ached when he wasn't around. suffering. he was laughing with that girl earlier before he picked you up, he's probably in love with her, and you're bitter. because who wouldn't be when even having louis fucking tomlinson look in your fucking direction.
every little touch, every graze made you body ignite in want and yearn for more, but you don't dare try. because what if you lost him? he's your everything, he's everything. you look over to him, your head heavy, but you want to make an effort because you want him to know he has your attention. even though he always does. the back of his hand meets your forehead and your eyebrows crease. his hand falls to touch your cheek and your heart fucking melts. he offers you this smile, it so so warm, you want to paint it over and over. you want to paint him. you can't. he's not yours to paint.
"you're not warm." he hums, focusing on the water covered roads that was slowly starting to pool. his eyes meet yours as he pulls into a red light. "talk to me.." his voice is raspy and... desperate? not in a blue moon. you smile because who the fuck wouldn't. "louis..." you whisper. his head tilts, his spare hand finding yours to give it a squeeze. and your heart your fucking heart felt like a lemon being juiced for lemonade because he had that effect on you. "lou, green light." you muster out, it sounds more like a cry than anything but he nods and adjusts in his seat quickly and drives off with a small, feather like whisper.
"right.."
and your head falls back, hitting the car seat as you stare out the window. "'s just an off day, no worries." you mumble, eyelids feeling like boulders as they shut. your head was starting to cramp. and fuck when were you getting back to his place? you're hungry and quite frankly don't know when your heart will stop because being around him hurt. you sniffle, shuffling in your seat because you back was hurting and you just want to lay in your bed and cry.
the car curved and your body felt a sudden surge of energy. your eyes open as louis parks the car and looks out the window. "its fucking pouring." he says more to himself. you look over at him and a small smile forms on your face because louis was the fucking sun. he was so bright you didn't care if it was pouring rain or if you were in a blizzard because you have louis. louis louis louis. "race you." was all you needed to say before he was out of the car and running to the door step, somehow so graceful. and such a beautiful sight.
you often compare louis to the sun, because he's so bright and lights up the room, and your heart. he makes you feel air light and worry free. but now you think of him as the eight wonder. he's so fucking beautiful, and he makes your heart sing songs it never knew but god, they were like a choir of angels. he makes you feel so fucking good, so fucking happy. but he's not yours.
you're both at his door step panting and your shoes are soaking wet. but you don't care because somehow you almost slipped and now you're wrapped in his arms and he smells so good. you laugh, catching your breath and leaning your head on his chest for a second. only a second before pulling it away and looking at him, a smile plastered on your face as he opens the door, his one arm wrapped around you as he guides you inside.
a taste. a fucking taste of what you could have for the rest of your life and you're addicted to it like its a fucking drug. and in a way he is, he's just not the kind that's for you, or that you are even allowed to touch. because he's not yours to keep. he's the kind behind the glass with lasers and traps you need to cross before you can even get halfway to him.
his hand leaves your side as he slips off his shoes. "i won that, by the way." he teases and you smile, shoving his shoulder as you walk up the stairs to his room, and you're dizzy, and your heart hurts but feels so full because you're laying on his bed and all you smell is louis. you hear his footsteps as he walks into his room, a light chuckle escapes his lips as he takes off his wet hoodie and throws it on the chair, passing his hands through his hair.
"your hairs getting long." you sit up and look at him, holding your arms out for him because you want to touch it. and be close to him. he walks over and squats on the floor in front of you so you could see his semi- wet mainly fluffy hair. "i know.. i dunno what to do with it honestly.." he mumbles, closing his eyes as you play with it. and if your heart wasn't already on the floor it was now, because his nose looks like it could use a kiss. or two. but it remains kiss less.
slowly you pull away, tugging on his shirt. "i want to watch a movie." you whisper so quite a look of fond and love washes over louis' face. but it wasn't meant for you. "yeah?" he teases for what feels like the fifth time in the hour, a smug look on his face. standing up to help you slip out of your hoodie. you sat limp, not minding him babying you. he knows you've been dealing with things and has been so affectionate and caring. you don't know where you would be without him. but he doesn't care like you do.
he turns on the tv as you sit back on his bed, your head on the headboard as he joins you, pulling the blankets over you two as the movie starts, and your eyes feel heavy as you ask louis how his day was. his voice was such a comfort, it was a weighted blanket and it made you feel safe. its so lulling and soft that you don't notice falling asleep on him.
you do notice waking up with arms around you, and a head in your neck, soft and gentle snore sing song their way out of him. and this is your chance to cuddle him. so you take it.
you close your eyes and gently shift, not wanting to wake him, but your shirt was bunched on your hip and it wasn't comfortable so you tried to flatten it out. his grip on you tightened slightly and you stopped breathing. your hand found its way to his back, the other in his lemon scented hair, which smelled so good. you could tell he just recently fell asleep, the window was open, he probably went to have a smoke.
why was that so endearing? he's not yours. stop falling.
you sigh, you're right you know. he's not yours. he never will be yours. he doesn't like you like that and that ache is forever there, you cant get rid of it without losing him, and you wont lose him. no, you simply cant. he's your life source of happiness and without him its grey and cloudy and dull.
you enjoy the last bit of happiness before he wakes and gets away because you're his best friend. that's it. he doesn't feel the same.
or so you thought....
