"I love you too..." #Lams

I love you too...

{the cover isn't my fanart , credits to the creator}

We've been best friends for forever, there is no way it'll ever be different also even if it was, there would be no chance to live like this.

Laurens POV:
Oh c'mon Laurens just finish this letter already. I've read his letter more than 1000 times and still can't quite figure out, what he's referring to... love, yes I mean he said that he loves me but in which way? As a friend? Or is he talking about what happened in this night shortly before I've left New York? Was he thinking about that a lot? About me?

I started reading his letter again
Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships. I wish my dear Laurens...

But then I started drifting into my thoughts again. He says "friendships" but does he mean it?
...that I love you

I read this part over a million times, tried to analyze it but that's the thing with Alexander, you can never be sure if he means what he says or if it is something completely different. God, how can he do this to me?

He knows that I miss him, he also kind of knew that I like him because that's my way of writing; if I write it, I mean it, and he figured that out really fast.

Yes I do like him, I liked him for forever, I can remember the moment we met exactly just as it has happened yesterday. Of course, it didn't, it's now over two years ago but still It was a moment I could never forget. His eyes, the eyes that made me feel special every time he looked at me 'cause Alexander is not the kind of person who pays attention to things that seem unnecessary to him, he once told us that. Lafayette, Mulligan and me.
Ever since then I felt special when I caught him directly staring at me, he did that a lot before I went back to South Carolina actually.

When Lafayette brought It up I didn't have an answer for why he does that. I didn't know, I still don't know. I don't have any idea of his feelings actually. I'm basically an open book, he can read me and can tell what my feelings are just by looking at me or reading my letters, dang it I wish he couldn't.

He does that while I can't even figure out what he means with "I love you". I love you, such a clear phrase and still so confusing...

"I love you too"
I mumbled and I wrote it down, I don't really care anymore. He'll know how I mean it, he'll know everything about me while I'm still in the darkness of night with what he's thinking and feeling about me.

That sucks but I can't help it, he's just too cute. I couldn't be angry with him even If I'd want to.

Sometimes I wonder what he's doing right now, he misses me right? What if he thinks about what I'm doing right now too?

I thought about his last words again "see you next summer Johnny, stay safe". That's now nearly a year ago, I haven't seen him since then but I know what was going on exactly... with some time difference of course but still, he wrote everything that seemed important for him that I don't miss anything, Lafayette wrote me some time too and even Mulligan who is normally really lazy when it comes to writing letters but no one wrote me that many letters than Alexander, Alexander Hamilton, Alex, my best friend, My dearest Alexander.... I sighed, he's such a big part of my life, I wish I could see him right now.

I'm so lucky he's still alive after everything he fought for, every day I lived in fear that I'm going to receive a letter that he died or even worst I'll receive no letter, not a single one in months. But war is over, I don't need to fear anymore, I'm going to see him in less than two weeks. I'm going to hear him saying my name again, god I've always loved the way he said my name.
I will be able to hug him again, the only thing I want right now.

When I finished my letter I went to bed, tomorrow is another long day. War's over but there is still a lot to do before I can return to New York.

When I woke up my first thought was that I'm going to send the letter to Alexander but since it was already really late I decided to send it this evening.

The day was really exhausting, nothing really special happened but then, all of a sudden the tables turned. I didn't see them coming unless they were already 15 feet in front of us with guns, they started shooting, guess they didn't know War was already over, I wasn't able to move At this moment, I told my man to hide and started walking away but then it was already too late, one of them had already shot, me.

I fell down on my knees seeing blood, a lot of blood coming out of my chest, they shot me... I realized this is it, I'm not going to survive this, the unbearable pain from the shot mixed with the pain of knowing I'm never going to get back to New York made me scream unless I didn't have enough air to even breath, my head hit the ground, my men shooting the British suddenly got quiet, I wasn't able to hear anything anymore.

My last thought, the letter, Alexander, he's never going to read it.... he's never going to know what exactly was going on in me and I'll never know what he meant with "I love you". He's going to experience what I never wanted to experience, no more letters from me, a last one.... from my father.

I love you too....
Was the last thought in my head before everything turned black....