The Deal

46- Five Years Later (REPOST)

"Ma, have you see my school tie?" 

JJ closed her eyes with a sigh. She felt Neil's breath over her neck as he laughed softly. "I got it, cara," he whispered before he rolled off the bed. When he walked into Lara's room, he let out a whistle. All her clothes had made it's way out the wardrobe and was either on the floor or her bed. "You are so lucky that I'm here instead of your mother." 

"Ugh, papa, you're either here to help or not." Neil raised his hands in surrender before closing her door. As he expected, the tie was behind the door, on the handle. When he looked back at Lara, she rocked back and forth on her heels. "I knew that." 

"Lara, I honestly don't know what to do with you. Why is your room such a mess? And for the love of god, leave your mama alone for a few hours. She has finished work, she's not well, she's come home and made you lunch, cleaned and stuck by you whilst you were annoying and lost that pretty head of yours. Let her rest." He walked over to her, moving the clothes with his feet. He kissed the top of her head. "Annoy me instead, please. I'm here to help too." 

"Sorry, papa. I'm just nervous. It's my first day back at school tomorrow." 

"I know that, tesero." He kissed the top of her head again before walking to the door. "I love you, sweety, but you gotta clean this up by the time you fall asleep otherwise you're grounded for the weekend." Before she could argue back, he shut the door and made his way back to the bedroom. JJ lay on the bed with her arm behind her head, staring up at the ceiling. 

"It was behind the door wasn't it?" 

"Of course it was." She blinked slowly at him. "Hey, how about you get comfortable, watch something on the laptop and I massage your feet for you." 

"You don't have to-" 

"Nah uh. I'm not listening to you. You, my lovely dearest wife, have been on your feet for way too long." He lay back beside her, lifting a hand to move her frizzy hair out her face. "Take it easy, cara. I just want you and our little baby to be okay." She looked down with a frown. 

"I'm scared, Neil," she whispered. She heard him sigh before he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm really scared. I don't want what happened the last three times to happen again. I don't think I would be able to it again." 

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't talk like that, okay? We're going to be fine, cara. We just pray everything goes well and everything goes to plan." He pulled back to look at her face. "I love you so much and I am so lucky to have you. You are so strong and I don't know how you've done it but I am so proud of you, cara." 

She nodded her head. "I'm sorry, Neil." 

"What have you got to be sorry for?" 

"When anything has happened, I wasn't there for you. You held me every night, you didn't tell me to get over it each time and I wish I was there for you." 

"Don't be silly-" 

"I know you used to cry alone sometimes." He went silent. "Sometimes in the middle of the night, I woke up alone and you would be crying in the balcony. When I used to go out and comfort you, you always used to stop after two minutes because that's when I would start crying. So I used to leave you there. I left you there so you could actually cry and let go of things. I didn't know how to be there for you and I'm so sorry." When he saw her start to cry, he pulled her into his chest, resting his chin on top. 

"It's okay. It's okay." 

"No it's not. You're my husband and you were hurting and I did nothing."

"You let me be there for you and that's all that matters. Making sure you were okay was my number one priority."

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his chest.