Colors (Brinker x Leper)

I

Leper's voice was so soft and so very slight. Brinker could only just barely hear it from behind the door of Gene and Finny's dorm, but it was definitely there. He knew its sound like none other.
    His ears were only able to detect two distinct voices; one was Gene's and the other belonged to Leper. Finny must not have been there. Knowing his active, loud, and boisterous personality, silence for him was out of character. Had he taken part in this conversation, he wouldn't have been able to keep his mouth shut.
    Brinker knew immediately that something was off, hearing Gene and Leper in that dorm without anybody else present. He pressed his ear against the door as gently as he could, being careful not to make them aware of his presence. He didn't want to be nosy--he truly did have better things to do-- but there was nothing wrong with being a little curious, was there? What was Leper doing in their room, anyway? The timid, introverted boy never ventured into his schoolmates' dorms alone unless it was about something important. Brinker would listen just this once, then he'd be off to his dorm for the night to study before going to bed. It wouldn't take long.
    From the room, he heard a soft sniffle coming from one of the boys. It was stuffy and unproductive, like the kind of sniffle that you get whenever your allergies flare up during the spring... or perhaps the kind of sniffle you have when you cry. This upsetting sound was followed by Gene's voice, which sounded empathetic and unusually grim.
    "Well, it must be worth talking about if you're crying about it," he said quietly. They must have been mid-conversation.
    Brinker understood what was happening here: Leper was going through a slump and he was in desperate need of somebody to talk to. He felt guilty and intrusive for a second, but this feeling of self-awareness was followed by a sharp ping of jealousy. Something was strangely irritating about the fact that Leper chose to talk to Gene about these types of things instead of him. Leper hung out with Brinker far more than he did with Gene. They were close weren't they? It would only make sense for Brinker to be the person that Leper went to for help. He wanted to be Leper's therapist. Not Gene. Gene wasn't deserving of him.
    God, who was he kidding. Brinker was aware of his callous personality, and likewise, his emotional unavailability. Leper was no idiot; he chose to talk to Gene for a reason. The more Brinker thought about it, the more he began to realize how skittish and apprehensive Leper acted around him. Of course he wasn't going to talk to Brinker about these sorts of things. Besides, Gene wasn't the most sincere person, but he was an expert at pretending to be, and emotional support is emotional support, be it honest or not. Brinker pushed the thought to the back of his mind and was just about to turn and leave them be as he heard them mutter a few more inaudible sentences at each other. He turned around but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Leper say something peculiar.
    "I dunno, Gene," he began, his voice cloudy with sorrow, "Have you ever been in love before?"
    Brinker decided that he would stay. It wouldn't hurt anybody to hear this.
    "Well, I..." Gene seemed to be at a loss for words, dumbfounded by the sudden question. "I guess so, yeah. Sure, I've been in love. What about it?"
    "I don't know what to do, Gene," he whimpered, his soft, pitiful voice ringing in Brinker's ears. "I want what I can't have. It's terrible. I'm not the same as I used to be because of it. I can't calm my mind and I'm having the hardest time paying attention during class. I can't eat or sleep or clear my mind  because every time I try, my mind whips back to him- I mean her. Sorry, I Can't even think straight enough to use the right pronoun."
    Brinker paid almost no attention to this mistake. His mind skimmed completely over it in a vigorous attempt to gather up as much information about this mystery girl as he could.
    "Gee, is it really that bad? He heard Gene say, sounding rather agitated.
    "Yes it is. And to make matters worse, she... our relationship isn't possible. It can never happen."
    "And why is that?"
    "It just is."
    Leper's tone and pacing sounded especially odd. Brinker wasn't entirely sure why. His tone sounded real; it was obvious that Leper had genuine feelings, but something about his words didn't sound... honest. It seemed as though he wasn't telling the entire story.
    "I won't tell you the specifics," he said, his voice a bit more at ease now that he had been talking for a minute, "it's too complicated. But it's eating me alive. I'll go insane if I have to bear it much longer. You know about love, right, Gene? You can help me fix this, right?"
    "I... I guess so. Where did you meet her?"
    "Vermont. During the holidays last year. We've been... writing back and forth to each other for the past few months."
    "She seems interested."
    "I don't think she is."
    "How do you know?"
    "I just do."
Something about this entire situation was upsetting to Brinker. Being able to identify his feelings was difficult, but there was something about Leper's complication that made him feel... Jealous. Maybe it was jealousy, it was hard to tell for sure. He could feel his friend slipping away from him, not only because he was choosing to express his discontent to Gene instead of him, but because he was wasting his time chasing after some woman. He could feel leper rising above him, ascending the social hierarchy by falling in love before he could. Was Brinker envious? And if so, of who? The girl, for winning over Leper before he could? Brinker laughed at the thought, though he subconsciously acknowledged it as a legitimate possibility. It didn't sound right. He wasn't a queer. He must've been jealous that Leper had found love before him, that Leper was closer to marriage and likewise, adulthood than Brinker was. Yeah, that must have been it.
...Right?
"How hard is it really for you to just tell her?" Gene asked. "I know it's easier said than done, but you seem like your heart will stop if you don't."
"You really think that's my only option?"
"Probably."
"Even if our love was... well... illegal?"
"Illegal?" Gene remarked rather loudly. "Why would it be illegal? She's not a child, is she?" Brinker bit his tongue at the thought.
"What?" Leper sounded genuinely offended by such an accusation. "No! She's 17. My age."
"Then why would it be illegal?"
"I was being hypothetical."
"Then just tell her you love her, Romeo. You'll feel better once it's over and done with."
Leper took a deep breath. "And if she says no?" there was something about these words, these soft, quiet, terrified words, that tore Brinker's heart out of his chest. The uncertainty in his voice was too much to bear. He hated it when Leper was afraid. He wanted to be there.
"If things go south, I'll be here for you," Gene told him, his voice so quiet that the words were just barely audible.
No, I'll be there for him, Brinker thought to himself.
    There was a long, dragging, dreadful silence before Brinker heard the wonderful tune of Leper's voice, now colored with hope and a dash of determination. "Okay," he said as Brinker imagined him puffing out his chest. "I'll do it."
Brinker was lost in thought for a moment as they finished their conversation, unable to make out what they were saying because his ear was no longer pressed against the door. In a mix of envy and pity, he contemplated for a moment. Having heard the climax of their discussion (or what he had deemed the climax of their discussion, having not been around to hear its entirety) he decided that now would be a good time to leave. He knew he shouldn't have stayed to begin with, but he had no reason to stay now. Feeling simultaneously empty and overwhelmed, he took a step across the hall towards his dorm when he heard the terrible sound of Gene and Finny's door opening behind him. His stomach dropped. He took a sharp ninety-degree turn to the left and began walking briskly down the hall in the opposite direction, making awkwardly long strides in an attempt  to act as naturally as possible.
He didn't make it very far before he heard the door close, followed by the gentle sound of Leper's quiet voice. "Brinker?" he said. Beinker stopped dead in his tracks. He was cornered. If he ignored him, Leper would suspect something was wrong. If he didn't, he would be forced to come up with a sorry excuse for why he was there. Either way, he had been caught red-handed.
"Hm?" he said and whipped his body around, as he would in any other situation. Leper just stood there, looking totally shocked and probably twice as embarrassed as Brinker.
His short hair was messy; it stuck out in all sorts of different directions and his bangs, which he had combed neatly to the side before class that morning, had now drooped over his forehead. His face had been painted a bright crimson with the whites of his eyes a strained, greyish pink, making his typically snow-white face look like an abstract blob of pinks and reds and oranges. His glasses had fogged considerably, and he wiped them off briefly with the sleeve of his shirt, which was covered with little wet blotches of tears that had escaped from his troubled eyes. The shy boy looked rough.
"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice trembling a bit. Not sounding as though he were about to cry, but more so like he had been caught in the act of doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Brinker could tell that Leper was afraid.
"...I'm on my way to my dorm." Brinker replied, his heart racing faster and faster as he realized the mistake that he had made.
"Y-your dorm," Leper pointed to the door right across from him, "is right there."
"I know, " Brinker said, his voice impossibly monotone. " I have to go get something first."  The two of them maintained a painful, forced eye-contact until leper's eyes began to dart up and down the walls, followed by Brinkers.
"Okay," said leper before turning around. Brinker did the same. He continued his long strides as they went about their separate ways, listening closely to the soft pitter-patter of Leper's feet going in the opposite direction. Leper gradually sped up his pace, walking faster and faster until Brinker was sure that he had broken into a sprint after a few seconds. Leper was running away from him.
Brinker came to a halt. He waited until Leper's footsteps faded into silence, and only then did he turn back around and head to his dorm.
They would both forget about this come the next day, he was sure.

A/N
Just wanted to apologize for any typos or capitalization errors I may have skimmed over. I typed this out on google docs and then pasted it onto here.