Roses, Riddles, and Poetry

Lonely Attacks

Am just gonna straight up,
tell you what's going on in this poem,
not in the mood to disguise my own pain.

I've lost two discord servers,
I'm losing one I like,
but not only losing you.
I'm losing me.

A path I keep walking down,
as much as I try to avoid,
there's only another option.
Darker.

I sighed, when one said not to do so,
but I can't see past this,
it's the fifth,
I've known you for a year.
It could,
it really could,
it really really even possibly.
You know the ins and and outs of me.

You saw me last year,
that I don't remember.
I was confused,
and lost as I am now.
I was fixed so I thought after college.
I never told you a failed it.
How could I?

As t long to dream,
to be finally appreciated,
I realise that with each step coming closer and closer, I keep damaging myself.
Scolding how I don't deserve pretty things.

I'm not even pretty myself,
regardless what you say.
I can't even run back to my own comforting man,
I just hurt him.
With Hannibal going round and round,
he can't tell me why I go in circles over,
and over again.
Attachment Issues,
I'll admit,
but why must I hurt myself,
why must I hurt myself,
why must I do it mentally,
and almost psychically,
the blood rushing,
as it's being tugged on.

All my life where ever I went,
someone,
something,
that one darn thing.

I'm happy,
I smile.

Then it's all gone,
every single time, and now that no one, or thing is doing that.
I feel responsible to do it myself.

I must.
Oh lord!
How I must!
Punish myself,
happy to falling positive.
Oh you're stupid!
You are stupid!
You're messed up!

And at the point,
I just wanna cry,
and have the guts to take this further. I don't deserve you,
I don't deserve anyone.
I just want to be left alone.
I just want to block everyone,
and live my life alone.

Crush-less
Friend-less
Human-less

Tonight as a tradition,
I'll squeeze the damn part that annoys me the most,
I'll think about me life,
before getting up and deciding if I want to block you.
It's not a Narcy Attack!
It's a Lonely Attack!

Please just believe me that I died, cause I'm not really worth it anymore.