An Abundance of You

'Give Me Love' - Ed Sheeran

I want to fall in love. 

I read countless concepts on Tumblr and I quote my favourite poets so regularly, their words have become a second language to me. They speak of love and fate and the endlessness of soulmates. 

And I want that. 

I want the sleeps that are filled with the shallow breaths of my love tickling my exposed neck. 

I want the dance in their eyes as they see me and the width of their smile as we meet each other halfway. 

There is a beauty in this notion of falling in love that I want to fall in love with also. Perhaps in a meadow filled with wild flowers with the beaming sun above my head and the fresh smell of the earth invading the rest of my senses. 

Perhaps under a moonlit night where all I hear are the scattered crickets and the stars are littering the sky in the billions. Perhaps we are counting those stars but we give up because we realise that infinity can be seen; infinity is the number of stars in every galaxy. 

Perhaps I find love in a small coffee shop that's adorned with secondhand books I wish to lose myself in, only to find myself in the eyes of the single person that can pull me from the worlds those books create. 

The last one; if I were to choose, I would choose the last one. 

I want to fall in love with the passion it would take to pull me from an entirely different world and bring me back to the one I know, because with that love, I may find the world I know is more fascinating than the one I chose to indulge in. 

But then you come along. 

And I know I will not fall in love in the way I expect to ever fall in love. 

You enter my life with the simplicity of a new breath.

We meet in the most anti-climactic of ways and you trust me instantly as if I am a reflection of yourself. 

I am out with my friends for the first time in what feels like lifetimes, yes, multiple lifetimes. 

We are at a bar with drinks slowly lowering our inhibitions and I know I will be a mess within a couple of hours but I am too alive with the excitement of stepping out of my norm. 

They can't quite grasp that I've left the fortress of solitude that is my home and in truth, I cannot either, but we drink and we sing along to the music playing as if we aren't tone deaf. In small moments I look at my friends and hear our laughter and I chastise myself for neglecting the happiness they bring me. 

They tell me it's my turn to buy a round of drinks and because I haven't been counting who has been buying and because I can't find it in me to try to work it all out in my head, I concede and make my way to the bar. 

Bottles line the mirrored walls and I feel slightly intimidated because I am not a drinker, I have one that I fall back on but the variety presented to me is vast. 

Little do I know, I slide in right behind you to call over the bartender and little do I know, you notice. This never changes with us. You always notice. 

The bartender takes little under a five minutes to notice me and makes his way over and I have to find it in my scattered mind to recall what my friends want to drink. I think I get it right...mostly. What worries me now is that I have to remember which drink is which. They truly do expect too much from me. 

I hear your laugh first but we're in a crowded bar and so it goes in one ear and out the other. I take a small moment to appreciate it because you sound like you're happy but I don't know you and I feel no obligation to pay more attention than that. I am not someone to linger on things that don't concern me.