Changing The Consequences | (V / Y/N / JK)

18) ON THE EDGE

(A/N:
a) Kinda long chp.,
b) Has hints of Y/n's past,
c) Includes intentions of self-harm. Stop reading this chp. if you feel uncomfortable.

You are precious, love ya❤)

Y/N POV
I suddenly woke up from sleep as I felt a heavy pain in my stomach. I whimpered as I couldn't bear it anymore. I curved into a ball & covered my mouth to suppress my cries. I don't want to wake up anyone who doesn't care for me.

Do you ever feel like nobody really cares?

Tears started streaming down my face. It hurts, it really does.
No, I'm talking about my heart, it hurts like hell. I know how hell feels like. My heart can't take this anymore, it already has been through a lot this year.

I've been at this for days but nights are worse. I glanced at the door, maybe someone will walk in & say that I matter & will hug me so tight that I will forget what pain feels like?

I threw back my head & my hands started shaking. I want someone to hold me right now, calm me down, say me I'm still loved, feed me with their hands- Ahhhhhh. I can't with this pain.

I'm feeling like I'm unloved, unappreciated & worthless.
I deserve no one, no one deserves a person like me. I feel like such a disappointment.

Have you ever cried because you're you? I wish I could be someone else.

Eomma I'm....

I stood up with the strength I was left with. I turned back.........it's all dark.
No sight of light just darkness everywhere. I'm scared by the thought that I'm alone in here.

I don't belong here, I don't belong to this place. I thought I would be able to adjust, but the longer I'm here the more I realize that I can't.

Do you ever feel like running away?
Just suddenly leaving. No note, no warning, no last Goodbye's just gathering pieces of yourself & leaving.

I'm DONE. I again turned back & opened the window. I took a deep shaky breath as tears were dripping down my face helplessly, as I was trying not to sob or make any noise. This thing is ugly to feel.

I sat on the window & slightly jumped out & landed in the backyard. My stomach hurt badly because of that small jump. I closed the window with my shaky hands.

I slid down the wall & hugged myself. I placed my head on my knees, soft cries started escaping my mouth.
The grass is cold but I'm getting colder inside. Something inside me is pinching me, teasing me, harassing me, making fun of me, pitying me, mocking me, making me think how unloved & unwanted I am.

Stop! Stop! JUST STOP! I want someone to pull me close & caress my hair. I don't want to think about what I'm thinking right now. How do I fight the demon inside my head? How do I escape my head? It's a mess.

I raised my head & noticed the surroundings. It's 1 am & all the streets are silent. Why did he call me baggage? He never loved me? Why do I care for everyone but it feels like they care for someone else more?

Everywhere I look there are all these happy people & I think what's wrong with me? Why can't I be like them??

Is it even normal for a human to feel this much pain? What if I go to a place & never come back? No one will be bothered, in fact, none of them even notice that I'm missing.

I heard some muffled footsteps. I don't want to even look at him. I noticed I wasn't even wearing any footwear.

"Y/n?"