Playing Dead

I whipped my earphones out of my ears and spun around to face her.
"He said what?!"
"Listen, Ara, he just broke up with me. It's no big deal. Look, I'm over him already." She threw herself on a random passing dude. I grabbed her arm and dragged her to a corner.
"He's gonna wish he never met you when I'm done with him," I whispered fiercely in her ear. "Dumping you is bad enough, but accusing you like that? You were better than he ever deserved. And I'm gonna make sure he understands that very well!" I stormed off to class, furious that anyone would dream of hurting my best friend like that. And if she wasn't going to stand up for herself, I was.
I struggled to concentrate all day. At lunch I finally decided to give up on school and go find Brian. As expected, I found him in the smokers' corner at the bottom of the field. It was supposed to be a secret hideaway, but everybody knew about it.
I watched him as I dialed his number. He heard it ring, and I could tell he was confused by the unknown number. I guess it was a good thing I had thought to never give him my number. He answered, trying to sound macho.
"Who's this?" I heard his voice double, through the phone and in person. I moved behind a tree so hopefully he wouldn't notice mine doing the same.
"Hey Bri-Bri!" I almost puked. "It's Caitlyn. I heard you broke up with that other lame-O, so now I figure you're free to see me?" I put on the most sickeningly sweet voice I could muster.
"Yeah, babe, totally free. Can I see you now?"
"Yeah, meet me behind the pavilion. See you soon, babes!" I blew a fake kiss and hung up. I saw him stand, clapping his friends on the back. They congratulated him, shouting things like, "You got game, man!" "Let's hear it for Macho Man!"
I quietly followed Brian along, keeping out of sight, until we were clear away from the others.
"Hey, Bri-Bri!" I stepped out of the shadows, twisting my hair around like the airheaded cheerleader he thought I was.
"Wait a second. You're not Caitlyn. You're-- You're-- You're Mya's friend! You're the--"
"--bully? Yeah, I know. Get ready to meet Revenge and Payback." I held up my fists. He started to back away. I couldn't keep a small laugh from escaping. Even one of the "toughest" guys in the school was afraid of me.
His back hit the wall and he threw his hands up. "Please don't hurt me! Please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I'll go apologize right now!"
"Too late." I silenced him with a punch to the jaw.
I lost focus as I threw punch after punch, thinking of how he hurt Mya, how he didn't even deserve to lay eyes on another girl, how he didn't deserve to live. Time flew by, and the next thing I knew, Mya was there, tugging at my arm, begging me to stop. Then Mr Greyblood was there, wresting my arms from Brian's throat, pulling me away from his body.
His body.
Mya looked up at me, panic shaking throughout her body, and spoke, her voice just above a whisper, "He's dead."
"No... no! I didn't, I swear!" I heard sirens headed our way. "I didn't! I didn't! Let me go!" I tried to wrestle away, but Mr Greyblood pushed me to my knees.
The police pulled up first. An officer stepped out and walked over to me.
"Hold still, little missy, and this won't hurt one bit." I blurrily remember him reading me my rights and tightening the cuffs around my wrists, but mostly I remember staring at my best friend, the tears streaming down her cheeks, and the betrayal in her eyes when she looked at me.
What have I done.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I think my least favorite part about jail was the confined space. I needed room to run, and not just on a treadmill. I kept myself busy in the gym. Letting my body take over and my mind wander. A lot of the other girls had the same idea. I listened in on some of the conversations, some funny, most disturbing, but the one that bothered me the most was the other murderers. It seemed every one that had killed someone was plagued by nightmares for weeks, or months, sometimes even years. Yet I hadn't had a single nightmare about that day. No appearances of Brian in my dreams, not even visions of Mya's heartbreak. One day when the topic came up over supper, I told them my experience. Kadrien, one of the biggest and baddest of them all, looked at me.
"Girl, if you ain't even had the nightmares, your heart's colder than all of ours put together."
"Unless," I spoke mostly to myself, "unless I didn't kill him after all..."
The rest of the meal was spent in silence.

:::::::::::::::

Five years later I was out on good behavior. My first matter of business out of that cage was going for a good, long run in the fresh air. I couldn't find Mya until I could prove I was innocent. And to do that, I had to find Mr Greyblood.
I "borrowed" a car and drove to my old school, crossing my fingers that luck was on my side. It was. Sure enough, he was still teaching there. I managed to set up a meeting with him after school, under a fake name, of course. He looked genuinely shocked when he saw me sitting in his office. I hadn't changed that much, except for cutting my hair off, and a small tattoo on my jaw. And I was probably double my weight from the time He last saw me. If I was any judge of body language, he was terrified. I decided to use that to my advantage.
"Sit." He sat. I stood and paced around him, then leaned forward on the armrests of his chair, effectively paralyzing him.
"What did you do with the body?"
"The body?"
Yes, the body! What, did you think I was here for a cup of tea? "Where did you send it?"
"Wastden's Morgue, just down the street here. Is that all you need?"
"Did you confirm his death for yourself?"
He paused. "What kind of question is that?"
"Answer me, Greyblood."
"No, of course not. But the medics did, they--"
"Thank you, Greyblood. I'm done with you." I strode out of the room.
"But--" I heard a sigh and a squeak of the chair.
But I was gone.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Brian Elderview."
"Not in the records."
"He was brought here."
"He's not in the records. Name does sound familiar, though. Maybe brought someone in once?"
"No, he was dead. They said they brought him here."
"Well then, either they lied, or he never died."
"Explains the lack of nightmares."
I left the lady slightly confused behind the dull desk, and went to find me a dead guy.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Failure.
I was about to label my search as just that, a waste of time. I had spent almost another five years searching for my dead man, traveling all over the country. Nothing.
I had been wandering the streets for a couple hours now, and it was starting to rain. I made my way into a dingy bar, mostly for shelter from the rain, but also for a drink. I was never really the drinking type, but I was at rock bottom. I slid into a booth seat and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. Just one drink, I reasoned. Not enough to lose control. Just enough to forget.
A glass slid in front of me. Instinctively I reached out for it.
There was a hand there.
I opened my eyes.
"You." I stood.
"What, gonna finish the job now?" Brian.
"Why aren't you dead?" I sat back down. "They said you were dead."
"Yeah, well, not only dogs can fake it. I needed a way out. Thanks for helping." He winked.
"You were...?"
"That's right. Playing dead."