All Of You (Justemi)

13. Conflicted

Kristal's POV

 I didn't go straight home that night after being dropped off. I couldn't go back with Justin constantly on my mind because it would not have been fair to Wilmer. I decided to go to a nearbye bar and drink until I forgot about the feelings. I don't remember much because after that it was pretty much a blur after the irst drink.   I had woken up this morning tucked in our bed , he must've gone to pickme up last night or maybe I called him

I don't know but i'm here now trying to remember everything - did I really almost kiss Justin last night? Did I really tell him I missed him..?

Do i really even miss him...?

He never crossed my mind until two nights ago I saw him with Demi and it just brought something back. I bit my lip right as the door began opening. Wilmer had walked in with breakfest on a tray which only added on to the large amount of guilt I felt

He walked over and sat next to me "Are you better right now Nena?" He rubbed my back while he set the tray on the side table "I was so worried about you last night..I haven't seen you that bad in awhile..."

"Was I really that wasted..?" I picked up the cup of water that was on the tray and took a sip from it. "

"It was bad.." He sighed scratching the back of his neck 'I thought you were heading straight home...I thought something happened to you.."

Something did happen..I wanted to tell him everything.  I screwed everything up last night because I thought I could do it on my own..god you're a idiot Kristal

"I know i'm really sorry...I don't know what came over me.." I ran a hand through my hair  , why did I cut it soshort yestarday. I huffed and folded my arms while getting lost in thought 

"What are you thinking about..." He pulled me into his lap now kissing my cheek "What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?"

I didn't deserve this...I didn't deserve him , sure we've had and have our demons and struggles but aat the end of the day he treats me so well , I was the one who could never stay faithful "Nothing...." I lied finally answered him.  He turned my face towards him and rose a brow at me "I know you towell Kristal.....what's the matter."

I should know better I can't ever lie to him I shake my head and look away from him " I really don't want to talk about anything right now....'

"I don't know what happened last night but I won't make you talk about anything you don't want too...but...why didn't you and Demi go home together last night....?'

 Because maybe I got her kidnapped? Maybe I used her to try and get someone even though i'm in a relationship...

"We just got in a fight I guess..."

"Again..?" He frowned looking away he sighed pushing me off "Was it about me again?"

"What? No.." I stared up at him "It was something completely different.."

He folded his arms and nodded but didn't say anything "I know she doesn't like me...I know she thinks you deserve better than me.."

"I don't deserve better because you're the best. You don't know how much you mean to me...I really do love you Wilmer and nothing could ever change that...you're the one who deserves better...I truly mean that..." I stoodup and threw my arms around him. He knew me better than I even knew myself "Demi oesn't see you the way I do,..."

"Because she see's me as the monster who stole her sister away...and you kow she's right..."

"No babe stop that..." I pulled him closer "We both went into this together. You didn't force me into anything...I went on my own will. I came here two years ago because I just wanted to be with you....I know it's dangerous but that's besides the point..I love you. I love us...I..we've been through so much I can't imagine not having you in my life..."

"I'm sorry...I just wish I could provide a better life for you...i've made so many mistakes and you've had to deal with the consequences...I really just want a fresh start with you...if I could take back eveything I would..." 

I fely uncomfortable now ,there was no way I could still have feelings for Justin.

It was just a fling...just a fling right?  I wasn't even sober last night even before getting drunk..so those feelings could not have been real. 

Damn it I just need to stop thinking about him..but knowing Wilmer was taking this on himself when it really just wasn't his fault made me feel worse. I bit my lip and sighed 

"I know you want it to be better...I do too...I would give anything just to start a new too...I believe in y..us..we can make things work.."

How? I really don't know , he pulled me closer and pecked my lips "I'm going to try and change for you alright?"

Me too....   I thought

"I love you so much Nena..." He looked down at me before kissing me. I kissed back and pushed myself loser to him. I felt that spark...the spark that made me fall for him. We slowlygot back onto the bed and now I think maybe.

Just maybe we'll be alright.

- x-

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   Also look out for my new story Through Hell - it's not a Justemi story but i'm really looking forward to writing it since it's different than what I have done in the past so please go give the introduction a readand let me know what you think - Sorry that this chapter is shorter , the next one willbe longer though