CHAMPION

05 - Control

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Andy was quick to pull you out the locker room and get you to drive him home. As soon as you got through the front door of his apartment the fighting began.

"What the fuck are you playing at y/n!" He screamed pacing around the living room as you took a seat on the couch.

"You really gonna talk to other men like that? When I'm stood right fucking next to you? Do you want to embarrass me!?"

"I don't know what you mean." Your voice was quiet. "All I said was Flip played good."

"You shouldn't be talking to him! Or any other man. OR ANYONE! You should only talk to me like that, you idiot." He said, hands pulling at his hair.

"Whatever Landers" you dismissed him and got up heading to the bathroom, a bubble bath sounded like heaven.

"Don't fucking walk away from me!" He stormed after you, taking hold of your shoulder and yanking you back to face him. The action shook you, almost sending you falling to the hardwood floor, his grip on you tightened, digging in his nails.

"You embarrassed me, woman. In front of my teammates, my coach and your little boyfriend... I'm the one who loves you.

Who puts a roof over your head, pays for you and supports you. Not him! And you know why I do it y/n... huh?"

You shook your head as he began to get to you, playing on your vulnerabilities.

"Because you're pathetic. Everyone thinks it."

His words hit you like glass.

"You're a joke sweetie. You won't amount to anything. But I love you." He stroked your hair and bent down to be on your level. He made you feel so small and insignificant... and you listened to him. Believing every word he was saying. "And that's why I take care of you. That's why I'm in control."

He kissed your forehead as a tear streamed down your face. You didn't want to listen to him, you didn't want to believe it but you couldn't help it.

"Without me... you'd still be that scared little girl with no where to go."

He had broken you.

"I'm going for drinks with the team.

You can sleep on the couch tonight, I can't bare to look at you" with that he was gone and again you were alone, with his words filling your head on a loop.

He was right.

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You sat in the tub, the water had gone cold and the bubbles had long disappeared. You were still, but your mind raged on. Your hands and wrists were covered in bite marks, you needed a way to ground yourself from the memories Andrew had rehashed.

You wondered where he was... but you realised you didn't care. He has hurt you, you shouldn't care about where he is or who he is with.

You got out and friend yourself, feeling numb to everything around you.

You hadn't eaten all day but you didn't mind, the sickness and hunger pains didn't come. Instead you pulled your pillows off his bed, grabbed a blanket and lay down on the couch.

You thought of how many times he made you sleep here, against the uncomfortable cushions. Or the times he would make you sleep on the floor of his bedroom... when you made him angry.

You wondered what time it was when you heard the front door slam closed. Landers staggered into the living room and watched you. His eyes moved slowly from the top of your head to your toes, drinking in the sight of you in your little pyjamas that didn't cover much skin.

He kneeled down, mouth pressed against your ear. "You're not allowed to see him again. You're not allowed to talk to him, or anyone on the team. Do you understand me sweetheart? You go to training, you come home and you look after me. That's what you were born to do."

You couldn't even cry anymore, you looked to him with red tired eyes and nodded slowly. Doing anything to avoid another fight.

"I love you" he said simply before stumbling into his bedroom and closed the door.

"I hate you"

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The next morning you left the apartment early, after making Andrews breakfast he waved you off with a kiss as you began the walk to the rink.

You got no sleep, unable to find a comfortable position on the couch and your mind wouldn't switch off. Instead you sat awake going over your skating routines in your head, thinking of ways to get as many points as possible in the competitions coming up.

In the bottom of your bag lay a crumpled list of adjustments to your long program, new lifts and jumps you wanted to add to the routine.

You had to focus on skating, you had to accomplish something... you had to prove him wrong.

Nationals were next weekend, you and Marco had to be ready, your routine had to be perfect and you had to get as many points as possible to make it to qualifiers. We had to be the best to reach the international competition level, represent Canada and get onto the Olympic committee.

That's all you were focused on, you weren't going to think about Landers anymore, you weren't going to think about Flip or the team. You had to think about yourself, and how to get away.

When you got to the rink, Andy's words were ringing around your head "You shouldn't be talking to him! Or any other man. OR ANYONE!" and subconsciously you found yourself doing just that. Because he had really scared you this time... he wasn't here, he wasn't here, he's not here - you repeated in your head.

After tying up your skates, you ran onto the ice, letting out all your pent up emotion and channeling it into your skate. Marco and Fran wouldn't arrive for another hour so this was your time.

You ran through your long program, executing your jumps and spins, double axel, triple axel, triple salchow, toe loop, lutz. You had them all down - usually you could do them without thinking... but you were too in your head. You couldn't focus. Coming out from your triple axel you landed hard against the ice, skidding on your side before coming to a stop.

And for a moment, you had no energy to get back up. You lay flat on the ice taking in deep breaths trying to calm the panic attack which threatened to surface. You looked up to the ceiling of the rink as the music still played, the sunrise could be seen through the side windows.

And you let yourself cry. Mourning the loss of the life you once had.

This was a sad one to write :(

Love to you all xo
- R