#Kostory in Hamilton, Oneshot

One last time...

Mik POV:
Why him? Why can't I just get him out of my head instead of constantly thinking about what could have happened when society wouldn't be fucked. If he didn't care so much about what other people could think about him or that this"isn't supposed to happen". I know it's not and still I want him and not some random girl, but he doesn't understand that, and he would never even think about giving me a chance, because he is afraid of what the people would think about him. Okay I'm honest, I can't really blame him, his parents are really homophobic, and he needs them on his side at least until war's over, but he wouldn't even think about giving me.. no us a chance. He liked it, he liked the kisses, I know it, we've been friends for forever, he can't lie to me.

The letters he writes me, the looks he gives me, they say something different than what he does when were talking, or when he's drunk, I've never heard him being so honest with his feelings ever again than this one time we were really drunk, this was the night of our first kiss and more. After this night we made out some time until this one night, I confessed my feelings for him, and he left me, without saying anything, he wouldn't talk to me in days, he wouldn't even answer to my letters and that was why I was crying every single day since then, I wish I just never said anything.

I would love to go to his house and tell his parents what we've done so that he can feel the pain he gave me but I could never, I love him too much to do something like that. So I started a new letter....

My Dearest, Kostas
Please answer to my letters. I just want to see your face again, hear your voice, be with you. I know I wasn't supposed to say this but it' s the truth. I love you, I always did. It's okay for me that you don't want anyone to know about this or your feelings and I can hide them, I'll do whatever you want but please just come back to me, I need you. I've cried every day and every night since I haven't heard anything from you in a week now. I can't even explain what I feel but I just want you here, I never wanted anything more.
Love, Mik

I won't send it, I haven't sent any letter with words like "i like you" or even worst "i love you" or with any kind of mention of what was/is going on between us two. By the time I finished the letter my doorbell rang. Kostas? I still have the hope that one day he's going to stand there, tells me he loves me too and just kisses me but every time I open the door I'm disappointed. This time as well but not as hard as normally because it was Lafayette, he always makes me smile, when I'm down but what does he want from me?

"Hey Mon Ami. Do you have some time for me?" "For you always" I smiled, he really was a guest I'd like to see more often. "You're to cute" he said while coming in, I closed the door and brought him some water. When I came back into my room he was reading something, I wasn't able to see what it was. "Hey Laf what are you reading?". He looked at me, shocked and suddenly I knew what he was reading. "Laf that's not what you think it-" "you do love him, you lied to me. I asked you if you like him and you said no... why?". Okay that was indeed not the reaction I expected. "Well because I didn't know what you would say" I answered honest. "But you know that we all Mulligan, Hamilton, Laurens and me don't have anything to say against simple love. Unless you are happy we are too. But why doesn't he respond to your letters, what did you do Mon Ami?"
Ich smiled, yes I know that they love us and that they are happy when we are but I actually didn't expect him to be that supportive. "Well I don't know, I told him what I feel, and he left. I haven't heard of him since this day" Suddenly my disappointment comes back, I know that he likes me, I just know it, but he doesn't give us a chance. "Oh. That's hard" I nod. "But I haven't heard from him too. Like in days. Do you know if the others had contact with him?" He added and I shook my head "I don't know". "Then why don't I just write him a letter to meet me tomorrow but instead you can talk to him. What do you think?". Is this a good idea? Everything is better than sitting here and crying. So I nod, I mean why not? We should talk about that like the adults we are. I know he was never the best in talking, he was better at writing but I don't want to write letters with him, I don't want to give him too much time to think about the words he uses, I want to hear what he really thinks, his real thoughts about me.

And so is it, the next day I was waiting for him on a bench in a small park, when he sees me he looks surprised, actually not disappointed that it's me sitting here and not Lafayette. He sat next to me and before he could even ask I said "Lafayette wrote you because you wouldn't have come when I wrote you the letter, since you haven't even responded to any of them in days." I said cold, he looked at me, confused? Why is he confused? I should be angry with him and confused but not he.

"What?" I ask and look him directly in his eyes, it's the first time on this day that I get to see his face, he looks terrible... like literally terrible. His eyes look like they haven't even closed for 5 minutes the last few days, the big eye bags under his eyes amplify this effect. He looks pale and worn out, what the hell happened to him? Where is the happy, always in a good mood Kostas I know. "Omg what the hell happened to you?". He turned away from me and then asked really quite "which letters?". I was confused and a little mad at the same time. "Uhm the letters I've been writing you since the day you left me alone with my feelings. The ones you keep ignoring since that day" I say trying to sound as emotionless as possible. "I didn't get any letters" he says with a tremulous voice and now I know he's not lying. "Okay what happened to you? Kostas please talk to me" I looked at him, kinda scared, something happened to him, something terrible but I don't know what.

"My father" he said. "He wanted to kick me out. He knew about what happened that first night, he knew it all the time and one week before you told me about your feelings he... sorta told me, he started screaming at me, telling me what I do is wrong and that he will no longer accept this behaviour, I was supposed to tell you but when you told me about your feelings I wasn't able to say anything.... So I just stood up and went away. I didn't go home as I wasn't able to do anything more than cry, but my father thought I was with you the whole time, since then he keeps me home, the door looked, I don't get any letters from you or anyone he doesn't like, I had to persuade him to meet up with Lafayette today and if he sees us together... I don't know what he'll do to you, I'm sorry Mik" he added and at the end of his speech he stands up. "Wait, what did he do to you? Did he hurt you?" I stand up and take his hand. "It's OK Mik, really. If he doesn't see us together he won't hurt me again or even worst you" he says and tries to let go of my hand but I keep his hand in mine, so he doesn't have a chance letting it go. "So what can we do to get you out of there? Should we go anywhere else? Maybe another city, another state? What do you think?" But he just sights. "No Mik, I won't go anywhere, we can't meet up any more. Please accept that." I see that he tries to be emotionless but can't control his sadness. My eyes are tearing up. I can't realize what he has just said. "What do you mean we can't meet up any more?" I stumble. He tries to comfort me with a sad smile and the words "I'm really sorry but I can't risk that. That he hurts you." "But I don't care, Kostas I really don't care just let us go anywhere, I don't care where.... just away from here, we're gonna tell no one only Lafayette, Mulligan, Hamilton and Laurens. You know what Lafayette knew it already, and he said that they are completely OK with us, isn't that great?" I say in hopes that I can persuade him, the first tears ran down my face.

"That's great, really but Mik, I can't. I'm sorry" now he lets go of my hand, he turned away from me, I was unable to move. Even if I'd want to I couldn't move anywhere, I just say:

"Do you love me?"
He stops, turns to me and smiles, then he walks a few steps in my direction.

"I always did and I always will" he said and kisses me, one last time.... then he turns away from me, walks away and I stand here, in the middle of a park, in winter, freezing but not from the cold but from the pain, the pain that I lost him, forever and that I'm never going to see him again.

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I'm sorry if you expected anything happy :( but I really enjoy writing sad one shots xD soo yeah hope u still liked it
I guess the YouTube video is coming soon (hopefully)