𝐒 𝐎 𝐁 𝐄 𝐑

"My name is Jordan"

1

" My name is Jordan and I'm one year clean from alcohol."

It didn't feel like I was standing in front of a group of people. It felt like I was in a dark space and I was all alone. I don't know if It's a good thing, but it was comforting on one side. On the other side it felt like the darkness never ended. And I don't know about you, but I don't think that's a good thing.

I got pulled out of it as soon as I heard my mom clapping. She had tears running down her face. But was it because she was happy for me or because she's happy for herself that she doesn't have to deal with the old me.

I went to rehab for a year. My use of alcohol was so bad that I had to leave home. I agree it was bad. They said to me if I went through like that another year, I could've killed myself. Because I numbed myself that much that I didn't give a shit about anything anymore.

The only thing I'm scared for now is going back to school.

I'm not the old me anymore. I'm not the fun friend who will start drinking at eleven in the morning anymore. I am scared I'll never be a 'fun friend' anymore.

This alcohol addiction didn't just start without a reason. In the first semester of last year my dad passed away. And the fact how he passed away just breaks me every time I think about it.

But also my best friend left me. He fell in love with a girl that was so jealous of our relationship that she told him he had to choose between her and me. And I could seriously see that he really was in love with her.

I wish him everything in the world and even if he had to leave me behind. We had a long conversation about that. He was never going to leave me if we didn't had that conversation. He told me a hundred times that he was going to choose me.

But I told him that he couldn't get kids with me. I told him that we can't have a future together so that he had to think about that and building a future for himself.

So that's when he chose her.

And that's when it started.

I went to parties to numb myself and hooking up with other people just to feel some type of acceptance. But the drinking on parties started to go from only drinking there to drinking at home when I was alone. Just to feel numb.

My mom started to notice it as soon as I started being under influence around her. I don't see her a lot 'cause she has her own company in New York. She would notice it when I called her at night.

This went on for about a year.

I knew I needed help when I started drinking at school. As soon as I saw my him and his girlfriend together at school I literally ran to the bathroom to take a sip.

And even though I would run away from him as soon as I saw him, he noticed it too that I started to change. I was so much more alone and didn't feel like hanging out with my friends anymore.

One day when I was at home drinking. The doorbell rang.

It was him. Standing in front of the door together with my mom. " He told me everything." My mom said. I felt the tears running down my face.

•••

𝐇𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬! 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞! 💓