In my soul

Page 1- Epilog

A mask. This is what I wear every day. A mask. And not just any kind of mask. One full of smiles. And the even cooler part is that, apparently, I'm a very good actress, because no one realizes that I'm not how I look like. Even though I get the question every day from many people, "Are you okay?" or "How are you? Do you need anything?" I respond with "I feel good!" . That's what my mouth says, but my soul screams for help. It screams for support, happiness, what I lack. But today is a new day of pretense. I get out of bed and sit in front of the mirror. Let me describe myself a bit. I am seventeen years old,  5 feet and 3 inches, I am brown-haired, with green eyes. My "perfect" body has quite a few stretch marks and quite visible ones. Many people think they live the perfect life, but it's not. Everyone sees me as the girl with perfect parents, perfect house, perfect body, perfect everything. However, let's be serious, if I were in everyone else's place I would have thought the same. Everyone chooses to see the light, bright side of things, the beautiful lie. No one chooses darkness, hardship, truth. They go by the premise "Lie to me, but lie nicely".

I fucking hate this shit. I am so tired of everything. But what can I do? "You're just a kid" they said. "You don't know what depression is", "You don't need a therapist, it's just a game of yours". I just have to be my own therapist I guess. Writing shitty things in a notebook. This will do for now.

"Today I got in a really bad fight with my mom. Why? Because I said something she doesn't like. But she hadn't even let me say my entire phrase. Screaming started, tears had fallen, hurtful words were said and the sadness won and took over. I cried my eyes out and to make things "funny", my grandma came to laugh in my face cause I was crying and scream at me too."

Silly. I know.

At least I have my safe place. My one and only. The only one who truly loves me. Maybe my happy ever after? I really hope so. For almost three years he was, and still is my rock. We have our fights too, that's normal, ups and downs everyone has. But who knows what the future got for us? I don't know for sure. As long as he's in my future I don't really care about the rest. I got everything. He's patient, loving, caring, and whenever things are going downhill, I know I can go running to him to help me or just listen to me.

Also, my father is gone since I was a baby. Looks like my mother loved me more than she loved him, so? He left!!! That's funny. But I don't even want to meet him. Why would I actually? Even though sometimes I wish I got his attention and care like the other kids got from their dads, I got the "father's love" from my grandpa. Sadly he passed away almost two years ago just the day before my birthday. First of April. Awful day, not gonna lie... But, hei! Death is a part of our life. We just have to make worth the time we are alive! Don't waste your time and energy on shitty people, just focus on you and I promise you it's gonna be worthy.

That's all for now... But I got a lot more to vent... Are you willing to see the maze in my soul?

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RO: Hei!!!!!!!!!!!! Buna tuturor!!! Am revenit pe aplicatie dupa ceva timp si am revenit cu o noua carte! De asemenea "Taci si indura" va continua. Este cartea mea de suflet si nu o pot lasa neterminata. 

P.S: Imi pare rau daca exista greseli gramaticale aici.. Timpurile in engleza sunt.......complicate 

EN: Hey!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello everyone!!! I'm back on the application after some time and I'm back with a new book! "Shut up and endure" will also continue. It is the book of my soul and I cannot leave it unfinished.

P.S: I'm sorry if there are grammatical mistakes here.. The tenses in English are.......complicated