The Distance Between Us (Book Two ✓)

thirty-nine

BEAU

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

As my hand falls to my side and the doors slide closed, I tear my eyes away from Emma, from that look on her face, the one that tells me exactly how fucking disappointing I am. Before I can stop myself, I've spun around and crashed my hand through the thin plaster of the hallway wall.

My fingers shake as my knuckles begin to purple, the dust settling at my feet like the million chances I've been given, now worth nothing at all. Fuck me.

My mothers name, carved into stone like that's all she is now, not a person, not a mother, just bones and dirt. Beck leaving the hotel with my money in his hands to pay for his fucking baby with my ex-girlfriend. Zoey, beautifully plump and happy, staring at me as if she's somehow better than I am. Rey - eyes bloodshot and glassy, the liquor surrounding her like a cloud of temptation, the taste of vodka on her tongue creeping down my throat. Emma, broken by my own doing.

My airways clench tightly as the images repeat over and over in my thoughts, faster and faster until I can't breathe anymore, the flames too hot in my throat. Sweat gathers on my forehead and the back of my neck and suddenly, it doesn't matter that I'm several yards from Rey and decades of floors above the hotel bar. My heart beats quicker and quicker, pounding loudly in my ears, each beat like a siren's call towards the sweet liquor that will make all of this just go away.

With every bit of strength I can muster, I return to the suite instead of following Emma, the way that I probably should. My eyes fall on Rey, nearly asleep on my bed, and rage, uncontrollable and violent, rushes through me.

"Out!" I growl, tugging her boot to wake her. She lifts her head instantly, blinking wearily at me. "Get out, get the fuck out right now." I jab my finger towards the door.

"Beau, what's going on?" Her words are slurred and thick with sleep. The aroma she's carried into the room makes me nauseous and exhilarated all at once.

"Fuck you," I snap, shoving my hand through my hair. "Get out of my room and get out of my fucking life,"

Zeus hops to his feet, whining loudly at the tension in the air.

Rey's face crumbles, tears welling in her dark eyes. "Beau, stop. You're being mean," She tries to sit up straighter but nearly falls from the mattress in her efforts.

As her alcoholic perfume wafts in my direction, a shiver runs up my spine, the fires scalding hot at the back of my throat.

"You're fucking right I am," I agree, my anger equally as scorching on my tongue. "Why would you do that, Rey? What the fuck!" Her mouth pops open like a fish but no words come out. I shake my head, "Just go."

Her big eyes are wide, disbelief crinkling her eyebrows. The more time she stares at me, the angrier I get. She knows I've been sober and working hard to stay that way. How could she?

"What are you waiting for? Go." I stare into her eyes seriously until she gets to her feet and backs out of the room, quiet tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Fuck," I exhale when she's finally gone, weakly falling to my knees. Zeus sits by my side, pawing my arm impatiently.

My gaze finds the minibar and instantly I curse myself for requesting they remove any alcohol from the suite. Zeus whines again and I pat his head, scanning the rest of the room for any sort of relief.

A shiny, black guitar sits on the mattress, gleaming under the glow of the overhead light. Clumsily, I make my way to bed, standing over it and taking in the instrument, recognizing the signature on the bottom immediately. Too numb to feel anything, I run my eyes up the strings until I spot a small envelope.