𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑑𝑜.

2

When I got to my host family's home Renjun told me to follow him to show me to my room while my host mom started making food

We got to my room which was simple but cute it looked minimalistic making the room look bigger I liked the cozy vibes it gave off and the bed looked so comfortable

"So do you like it?" Renjun asked looking at me with worried eyes

"I love it it looks cute lowkey looks better than my room back home but anyways who decorated it I like it a lot" I went flop on the bed and I groaned feeling the soft comforter this is heaven

"Actually I did it with some help from Chenle that guy is rich so he has good taste thank god you liked it"

"I love it thanks tell Chenle I said thanks as well" my words were muffled by the blankets but I think he heard me

"Are you going to take a nap?"

"Hmm maybe I think the jet lag is finally hitting me why?"

"Because food is going to be ready in half an hour but that's long enough for a good nap so I'll leave you to it then" I sat up on the bed and nodded he left and I went over to my luggage to take out a special gift that Jeno gave me

It was a big teddy bear coated with lots of his honey scented cologne which I very much loved the smell of saying that it was a way for me to remember him he also gave me about three hoodies of his coated with the same cologne I remember when he gave them to me at the airport he was trying to not cry saying that he was a man and he couldn't cry but a tear did slip which made me cry and hug him I think the people around us thought we were a couple

I grabbed the bear and went to the heavenly like bed and started drifting off

Jaemin pov

I had left Heejins house after Jeno whispered in my ear telling me to leave and that I had already done enough to her also telling me that they weren't anything other them best friends

When I got back to my house I was fighting the urge to break and throw everything I saw the pure anger I had at myself knowing that I made Heejin feel that way after she just helped me out all the time made me pathetic and for some low life girl who can't seem to process being nice but again I had been treating Heejin just how Gaeun was treating me I was no better than her.

I know I shouldn't text Heejin but I should at least say a huge sorry but when I went to my contacts to talk to her I couldn't message call or anything she blocked me.

I felt tears in the corners of my eyes how could I do that to her she was my everything at one point and I just let her down I'm such a piece of shit I'm sorry Heejin I really am.

I stood up and grabbed the closest thing near me which was a flower vase I quickly threw it to the ground only to realize it was the gift Heejin gave me when we were younger and I had an obsession with flowers so she gifted me a flower vase the same one I had just smashed after getting upset

I quickly went to grab all the shards of broken glass ignoring the stinging of the shards of glass curing my hands more tears ran down my face great Jaemin fuck over more things! I stood up and punched my wall the crisp white wall was now covered in my blood from my hands

My mom heard the commotion and ran to my room when she saw my hands covered in blood and shards of glass on the floor she gasped

"Jesus Jaemin what's going on look at your hands come here be careful what are you thinking?!"

I'm not thinking that's the thing I'm just doing whatever to try to take this aching pain away I bet this is how I made Heejin feel god how could I ever have done that to her I deserve this and more!

I once again punched the wall covering it with more blood I made a whole in the wall by now and my mom screamed alarming my dad who came in as well I hadn't stopped punching the wall he dragged me back being careful not to step on the glass

I deserve this I deserve this I deserve this I DESERVE THIS!

The cries of my mom snapped me back she had gently took my hands into hers while gently caressing my purple and red knuckles her tears hitting them making me wince finally noticing the huge amount of pain throbbing in my hands

"I'm sorry mom I-I don't k-know what happened"

She hugged me tightly crying more also slapping my back harshly

"Stupid Jaemin why would you do that?!"

My dad just looked at me concern in his eyes before grabbing an old T-shirt of mine and carefully picking up the broken shards of glass

Why do I keep messing up? Heejin I'm sorry you haven't even done anything and I'm going crazy it was all my fault anyway so why am I the one acting like the victim I'm sorry Heejin I really am I wish I could just die but that would be a coward move how would I just kill my self without apologizing completely.

Mother took me to her room where she got the first aid kit and started taking care of the deep cuts in both my hands along with the now purple color adorning both my knuckles

"Why Jaemin?" My mom had calmed down now but I could still hear the pain and worry in her trembling voice

Another person I've let down I'm sorry.

"I messed up mom." My voice trembled and I once again felt the stinging tears fall from my eyes.

da🐬da🐬da🐬da🐬da🐬da- 🧍🏽