~{The Fantasy Of My Mind}~.

(Fanfics: Ensemble Stars!!/ あんさんぶるスターズ!!)

Looking back, I had stopped even hoping for anything

✩•°★°•✩

—Blur, everythings a blur.

Tsukinaga Leo has always had bad memories but lately, he feels lightheaded, he feel like he's not in control of his own body. Like everything he does is all automatic, programmed into his smooth brain.

"–eo-kun, hello? Leo-kun?" Izumi shake his body slightly.

"...Sena?" He blinks, clearing his vision, "Sena! You scared me!" He mimics his joyful voice.

"What's with you lately..? Y'know, ever since Checkmate, you've been acting strange," Leo stared bewilderedly

"You're not pushing yourself too hard, are you?" Izumi asked quietly.

"Ee~eeh? I'm fine, see!" He says as he move around chaoticly. "Leo-kun." Izumi growls.

•°- * ★ * -°•

The voices—the ones in Leo's head, they seems to get louder each day, hour, second. The more Knights lost, the more the volume increases. When will it stop, could it be stop?

Leo doesn't know what he did wrong, all he ever wanted to do was fulfill his muse's wish.

'boo!'

Another,

'go kill yourself!'

Another,

'fucking piece of shit, how about you do the world a favour and just die? No one will miss you anyways. The only thing we want is your weapons, nobody ever cared about you, nobody WILL care about you'

—Shut up, shut up, shuddup shuddup shuddup,
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Leo chuckled softly, painfully. If he skillfully ignore those true comments, he could survive another thousand years.

•°- * ★ * -°•

"—And you want to say that the fact we got driven in this corner is my fault....?"

"Isn't it? This was what you wanted! I was just happy having fun singing with everyone!"

He just wanted everyone to be happy, he wanted everyone to get along.

"It's because you had eyes only for the top! Because you wanted to strut around and massacre everyone you didn't like!"

"So I tried making the path for you! The only thing I can do is compose, so I put my whole heart in that! And this is what happened! We couldn't get there!"

"In fact, I wish we never dreamed in the first place. Sorry, Sena! I'm just weak!

I thought that if I make a masterpiece, it would move even the guys that hate us, and maybe they'd come to like us!"

Maybe the voices in my head were right, it'll be better for other if I just died, disappeared, and never even existed in the first place. I'm really sorry Sena.

"But they didn't! I couldn't manage it.. I was never a genius!

Even though you believed in me, even though you loved me, I couldn't do anything at alllll!" His voice cracked, tears spilled into his cheeks.

"... Leo-kun." Izumi called out,

"I-i'm going home! 'Cause I dunno know what I'm saying anymore! Sorry Sena! Forget what I said—the king's orders are absolute" His body trembling from the adrenaline.

"Wait, don't you hate being called that?" He tried to reach out.

..

The muffled boos and hatred inside his head got louder, and louder and louder and louder and—

He yelled, scream on top of his lungs, somewhere in suburb near the train station. He can't take it anymore, why won't you just shut uuuup!!

He cried harder and harder, his body numbing, his ears deafening, his whole immobilised. He sunk into the ground, Shut up shut up shut up–

After the sun has fell down, and the moon risen, he finally had control of his body again. Hours of crying and among other things has made him tired and hopeless.

'i want to disappear,'

'i don't want to exist anymore'

'i can't write songs anymore'

'i'm not needed anymore'

'i'm useless now'

He leaned against the wall to get up and go home. Mom and dad must be worried so will Ruka-tan...

Maybe they don't care about him anymore, just like everybody else. It's all about his music, but now that his songs are as terrible as the mess that is Yumenosaki, he doubt anyone would care about him.

•°- * ★ * -°•

It's midnight, everyone has gone to bed for tomorrow. The sun will rise again and the moon will go away. The cycle continues, again and again. Sometimes, the moon will not rise for a couple of days, The world would be engulfed in darkness during those days. Will Sena feel gloomy without me?

Leo stared at the clock as it moves it hands. The sound of the clock ticking gently brings comfort to the shut-in composer, all curled up in a ball, wrapped in a warm blanket.

How long has It been, since he stop coming to school. He doesn't know, maybe a month has passed, or perhaps a year. Everything feels blurry, like he is in a daze. This feels familiar, like he has experience this.

Has he even eaten anything? Surely he have, otherwise he will probably be dead. Or maybe, it has only a week. That could explain why he hasn't died yet.

He looked back at the clock, apparently, it's morning now. It's time to work, write his melody as it becomes a decrescendo and finally into a niente, and maybe today's the day it'll finally be good enough.

(A/N)

Someone's back and she is absolutely obsessed with Knights. I probably won't be active but this is good enough I think.