Out of the Loop

A Letter She Would Never Send

Knowing that she was reeling from Lena's betrayal, Alex forced Kara to take a few days away from National City just to get away from the place where so many bad memories had been created. In her absence, Alex took upon the role of "apartment-sitter". During one of her trips to water Kara's plants, Alex noticed a square-shaped lump under Kara's pillow. Curiosity piquing, she set down the watering can to see what was under the pillow... It was a book! No... a journal...

In an instant, every other task was forgotten. Alex's curiosity got the better of her and, before she knew it, she was sitting on her sister's bed, reading the journal. She tensed up more and more with every new word she read. They caught every ounce of her attention. Privacy no longer applied, she took in each and every line, feeling a weighted guilt the more and more she read...

ooo

Alex waited impatiently for the stupid number to light up, her head back and eyes locked on the track above the metal doors. This elevator was going to take years at the rate it was moving! Alex kept flicking the strap of her gun's holster over and over again until the ding settled her nerves. Once the doors opened, she tightened her jacket around the secret cargo she had hidden underneath it. She quietly entered the lobby, ignoring the grumbling from the office's clerk. She flashed her badge and made her way through the building. Even though she hadn't been here often, she still knew exactly where she needed to go...

Alex finally found herself deep below ground, overlooking Lena's "secret" laboratory. There was a sea of paper everywhere she looked. Swallowing down her anger, Alex fought to ignore it all in favor of delivering her cargo. A letter of photocopied pages from a certain diary she'd been snooping around in just the other day. She set the envelope down before giving the empty lab table one last glare and leaving it at that. Kara had called it a letter she would never send, but Alex was not Kara.

ooo

Lena was left in shambles (however, she dared not reveal any of it where Lex could revel in it). Once again, he had betrayed her. She couldn't take it anymore. Grateful for her hidden office and its soundproofing, she locked the door tightly before unleashing a chaotic storm in the form of a whirlwind of emotions. She destroyed her office, overturning boxes of files, contracts, projects, blueprint copies, letters and the like. She screamed and swore in English and Irish and grabbed a bottle of scotch she'd stored away down there, not even bothering to grab a glass, bringing the bottle, with shaking hands, to her lips. She was hardly aware of the tears burning down her face as the scotch burned down her throat.

After she'd downed half the bottle in one go, she slammed it down onto her desk. In doing so, her eyes caught an envelope with "FOR LENA" written on the front in sloppy handwriting. Even through all the pain and alcohol, Lena could recognize that this letter was not supposed to be here. Scared and angry, she didn't hesitate to pick it up to open it. On the back, under the letter's seal, was the message "Take a moment to push back your anger and pride. Feel, don't think. She always loved you. You need to understand that. I stole this for a reason. -Alex Danvers"

Something halfway between a gasp and hiss escaped Lena's lips as she read the name and, for a moment, she could only stand there with the unopened envelope still in her hand. Her eyes drifted shut and she thought back to the night where she'd been overlooking the city, a glass of scotch in one hand and a shattered photo of herself and Kara Danvers in the other. Then finally, she forced herself to read the letter.

With every word she read, the tears ran down her face faster and faster, but it was the last line that really broke her.

"...because no matter what happens next, you are still my beloved Lena Luthor, and I will always be your Kara Danvers, and I will love you forever..." and what followed was a signature written in Kryptonese: "A Letter I Would Never Send. To: Lena Luthor, my sun, my light, and my life. The thing I had prayed to Rao for all along."