The Tale of a Tinder Love

September of 2019

It all started in september of 2019 when i decided to get tinder. My friend had some luck and i thought i would too. Match after match and yet no one caught my eye. Until one day i saw this handsome man. So i swiped, and we matched, i was so happy. He was everything i had hoped for. Dedicated, handsome, a really great guy all around. He is dedicated to where he is working now, and even going for graduate school. Then i met someone else on another app, and i deleted tinder, i could no longer get a hold of this guy. I forgot about him and tinder, and dated guy after guy. It was never the right guy though. I could just feel it. December comes and i still forgot about this handsome man. We were supposed to meet up that week and meet eachother in person. I waited for him, but he never showed up. I was so upset and cursed him out and everything. So, I deleted tinder and just focused on what i had to do that year. I worked my butt off and just worked and hung out with friends. It was hard for me I was getting back out there from getting dumped by my boyfriend, and i wanted essentially a one night stand and i did have that but in the end i longed for something real and long term. That was also the year i found out i am into bdsm. It changed how i felt and who i saw. Vanilla was just not they way i could deal with sex. I have wanted to fall asleep whenever i had vanilla sex. it was so boring.

It was hard to find someone with the same interests as me. I didn't think any guys in my area would like that type of thing. I had one one night stand while i was on tinder and it was absolutely terrible. The guy had no respect for me or himself really. I just want to find someone who will want me and will want to be around me for me, not just sexually. 2019 was a hard year. I decided to quit going to college and i have no regrets whatsoever. Especially now with the pandemic. Somedays i wish I could go home to a man that loves me. This guy from tinder has really changed my life. He gives me hope, and i always enjoy when he talks long with me. It's rare that we get long conversations going, he's always busy with work and trying to get into graduate school. He makes me so happy. I just wish we talked more. Most off the time i feel lonely and unloved. it's not his fault though. I am just a failure in the love department, I can never keep a guuy for long and i think i might get too clingy at some points in a relationship. It's always my fault anyway. I just wish i was skinnier and prettier, maybe then i could keep a boyfriend. Life is disappointing. I think about this guy almost twenty four seven. I always hope he has a good day. Why am i so needy?