The Plan

*After a battle*
You put your head into your hands, shaken by the events that just happen.  You bounced your leg in fear as tony words crept into your ear as the other avengers watch. You can feel there glares of disappointment as you are trying your best not to cry . You always hated people telling you what to do , what you are and how you should act. "What were you thinking y/n. WHAT WERE WE MEANT TO DO IF YOU GOT HURT, WERE YOU EVEN THINKING OF OTHER OR YOURSELF . YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BE THE HERO" . There goes tony again with his stupid words that somehow hurt worse then your physical injurings. Natasha noticed your leg bouncing in fear, your body curled up in fear of someone hitting or touching you when your vulnerable. "Tony enough" she is protecting you .  She always has been like an older sister to you. "NO NATASHA THEY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS . THEY WERE RECKLESS THEY WERENT FUCKING THINKING". He grabbed fist full of his hair in frustration. In that moment of disappointment that he displayed some thing came over you. "I WAS THINKING, THE STUPID PLAN WAS THAT *your breathing starts to speed up* I WAS MEANT TO SAVE THE DAY JUST LIKE YOU ALL DID. YOUR CONSTANTLY GOING ON ABOUT ALL THE SACRIFICES YOU ALL MADE TO BE HERE. I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU. I WAS GONNA GO IN AND SHUT IT DOWN FROM THE INSIDE I KNOW I WOULD DIE IT WAS THE PLAN I DIED I WOULD BE SEEN AS A HERO *tears start to pool in your eyes as you continue they begin to fall* AND YOU TONY WOULD GET YOUR TV APPEARANCE AND LIE BETWEEN YOUR TEETH SAYING HOW YOU WILL  MISS ME. YOU ALL WILL GET TO CRY A BIT THEN GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON. I DONT MATTER LETS BE HONEST IM NOT THE STAR OF THE SHOW HERE, IM YOUR STUPID CARRY ON. YOU ALL GOT STUCK WITH ME AND I WANTED TO HELP YOU GET RID OF YOUR EXTRA BAGGAGE" . At this point your voice has given up on you. You stand there a mess, shaken and scared. Everything hits you will a brick wall. You didn't plan on tell them, you didn't plan on been alive to explain it. "Oh Y/n" Natasha says in a hushed tone and extends her hand to touch your shoulder. You flinch away from her hand. She pulls her hand back quick as you try to get control of yourself. Tony stands their staring at you with guilt washing over him as he realises how cold he had been to his own child. every avenger is staring at you with guilt. You feel so fucking vulnerable. Next minute you in your room . The door slams behind you as you press your back again it as you side down and curl your knees into your chest. You let it out all of it. Every single emotion you have ever owned, you grasp onto your breath . You lift your head only to see the destruction from the battle outside . "You caused this . If only I would of stuck to the plan" you whisper to no one but  yourself as you bury your head back into your knees in shame