Wake

To Trust

It didn't take me long to recognize her.

"Momma?"

Her face twisted into a look of confusion. "I-I'm not your mother." She said with a bewildered expression.

I could feel her warm hands on my own. I stared deep into her green eyes.
I couldn't have been more sure. The look on her face; however, showed I was mistaken. I guess I was so desperate for my parents, the first woman I saw, I thought was my mom.

"But-" I began to say. I sighed deeply. Nevermind. I thought. "Can you back away, please. I-I'm practically naked." I turned away as I said this. I had forgotten my gown was cut open.

I felt sick, disgusted, embarrassed. I didn't feel comfortable that was for sure.

"Oh right." She said as she quickly stood up; releasing her warmness from me. She cleared her throat as if she had something stuck in it. "I'll go get you some clothes."

I continued to stare at the floor. My thoughts racing. I had lost the journals and Kai. I squeezed my armchair. I had lost my identity. I had lost everything. For about the 5th time today, I felt the pain.

My chest tightened; my eyes grew heavy. I just knew next were the tears but they didn't come. I sighed. Maybe I had lost them too.

I heard the lady walk away. Her boots making contact with the ground with force.

I heard the door close and I realized I was now alone. Oh wait I wasn't. They were watching me.

My reflection was staring me in the face. She was so far away from me but she was there. Her brown hair, oily, and thin, hung beneath her.

She was thin. Too thin as if she was nothing more than a skeleton with skin.

Her chest seemed to have small ant hills on them. The boobs weren't there but they were coming. I wasn't sure if I wanted them to.

I couldn't look down at my nakedness. I just closed my eyes and counted. I don't know why I counted but I did. And when I neared the number 50, she was back.

I opened my eyes and she stood before me. In her hand was a plastic bag that she sat in my lap.

She began to untie the restraints on my wrist and I suddenly sat up. I guess I should have known she would have to let me out of them if I were to change but I was still pleasantly surprised.

I was so anxious that when the first restraint was released from my right hand, I put my hand up and moved it around like crazy. A stupid smile, had a appeared on my face.

I don't remember a time I was ever so happy to move my hand.

I heard her laugh. It was soft but audible. She continued working on the other restraint as she broke the silence, "I'm sorry this happened to you."

I stopped shaking my hand and looked down at her. "Eh," I said. My other arm was released. "you should be."

She looked up at my face and once again I saw her. I saw her for my mother. "Look. We are just-" I cut her off. "Are they still watching me?" I asked.

She turned around and stared at the mirror as if she could see them. Stupid.

"They shouldn't be." She turned back to me. "I told them not to look."

But did they listen? Was the question. I decided not to ask. I wouldn't know either way. I couldn't even see them.

"Are you like in charge around here?" I decided to ask instead. She released my left leg before beginning on releasing my right.