Obsessive Obsession (Batjokes)

Obsessive

Batman. The man who lives in the shadows. Who is he really?

He is the thought that invades the Joker's mind. The one that haunts him. The one that gives him a reason to live. Many might have assumed the clown prince of crime would have other things to think of. Who to kill next? What chaos to cause? But no. The Joker only thought of the Batman. His obsession.

Joker had pages and pages of nothing scribbled out in front of him. Times and names. Dates and wishes. Chaos and carnage. But the Joker was unable to think of a plan worthy of the dark knight. Nothing he thought of could live up to the ridiculously high standards the Joker held himself to. Because even chaos is an art. Joker could not disappoint himself, or worse, disappoint the Bat.

The Joker wanted to know everything about Batman; who he loved, who he hated, when he slept (if he did sleep, Joker had a theory that Batman didn't sleep), how he spent his days, who was on his mind... why he was so hot...

But the Joker didn't know how to figure this out.

"Adam, Michael, Ben, Christian, David, Robert..." the Joker muttered random names, strumming his fingers along a tabletop. He wanted to know the Bat's name.

He abruptly stood and started pacing the room."Who are you, Batsy?"

Now the Joker had always liked the mystery of who the Bat was. He didn't want to spoil the Bat's little secret. He felt like Batman was the real part of him anyway, so why would he want to see who the Batman wore as a mask. He was probably a no-one. A no-one that was well funded though. An entire bulletproof Batsuit wouldn't be cheap, especially with all of his bat-gizmos.

But even though the Joker had thought he didn't want to know who the Bat was under his mask, part of him wondered. What color hair did the Bat have? What would it be like to stare into his eyes? Was his ass really--

No. The Joker only wanted to know who the Bat was so he could know him inside out. So he could be the one to break the Bat. Not the one to kiss the Bat...

Right?

Upset, the Joker sat down on his musty oversized couch and flipped on the news. The TV was slightly busted from all the times he threw stuff at it (mostly shoes), but luckily it still worked. But that was the condition of most of the stuff in his small, brightly painted hideout. It's hard to have money when Batman beats you up every time you leave the house.

"--so once again, Gotham's own vigilante Batman, has beaten the Riddler and sent him back to Arkham--" the TV blares.

Joker scoffed. "Of course Batman is out. Why is he always out? Even I take a day off."

"--But even as the Bat keeps saving Gotham from villains, the GCPD still has him as Gotham's most wanted, above the likes of the Joker and--"

A laugh burst from the Joker. "Batsy is more wanted than me?! Now that's a joke!"

After a minute of laughing the Joker finally, slightly, calmed down. "But it makes you wonder-- why would someone put themselves through that much hardship, for so little in return?"

He stared at the picture of the Bat that is on the screen and tapped on the Bats head. "What are you trying to make up for?"

He laughed and changed the channel. Joker still had to think of a plan. A way to trap the Bat. But that's probably not going to be easy, considering every other time he even attempted to catch the Bat he escaped almost instantly. Joker shook his head lightly.

If he could really trap the Bat everything would be perfect. He could have his way with the Bat. Find out who he is. Replicate every scar the Bat had left on the Joker back onto him. Though it would be hard to make the Bat talk. He's not known for heart-to-hearts.

Joker had to use a weakness, make the Bat come to him. But the dark knight was not an easy one to find fear in. Of course, he was only a man, maybe, but that wasn't how Joker would find his weakness.

Joker had to think of the Bat as a hero. And what do all heroes try to do?

Protect people.

"--Tomorrow he will be hosting Gotham's first charity event for the rebuilding of Arkham Asylum--"

"Arkhems getting an upgrade? Well, this is perfect!" Joker said in response to the TV. He then jumped back up, skipping over to the desk.

"Maybe it's not the big event but it's a start! It makes a statement! Maybe. HAHAHAHAHA!" Joker said out loud, "All I have to do is kidnap someone famous and tell Batman to give himself up in return! Batman would never put someone else in harm's way! Then I can just kill whoever it is and Batman will get the blame for it anyway!"

Maddening laughter then filled the brightly colored hideout, echoing through the room, only to be heard by the madman who made them. But as he pranced around his hideout, changing into his signature suit, only one thought was in his head-- Batman.

"If a person is killed when no one is around..." Joker started filling his gun with bullets. "...did they really scream at all?"

(A/N) Well, there's the first chapter. Sorry for the a/n, this will probably be the only one. I just wanted to say I'm writing this story so that I can finally finish a fanfic, something I'm not sure I've actually done in years... but anyway yeah. I keep editing this and putting off publishing this, so I hope this doesn't suck and I hope I finish it! :D