Pinterest Prompts

There's No Place Like Home

Prompt: You accidentally get sent to Hell instead of Heaven, and Satan says you can just hang out while him and God get things sorted out. Meanwhile, you grow more and more accustomed to the place you're in.

It took a moment for me to gather my senses, but when I did, things didn't make much sense. It was very humid but not a real uncomfortable humid: I'd lived in the south for so long, I'd been through some very uncomfortable heat waves. This was bearable.

I looked around and had to blink at my surroundings. Where the hell was I?

"You just answered your question but you're not supposed to be here." a gruff voice made me spin my head around and I wanted to run for my life. Standing maybe a foot away from me was a demon. A real-life demon. Horns, burnt skin... I refrained from thinking ugly since it read my mind. "I know, this is a huge thing to take in, especially seeing that you're in the wrong place. Stay put," it grumbled and turned away, leaving me alone to try to fully make sense of things.

Holy shit, I was dead. And I was in, Hell?

It made me try to remember how I died, and with the way I lived my life, how was it a mistake I ended in Hell? No sooner had I asked myself, what looked like a projection popped in front of me and a movie played. No, it wasn't a movie: it showed me how I died.

Of course, I died in a car accident. And because I wasn't wearing my seatbelt, I got to see how gruesome it was. Whatever this thing was showed me no mercy as it played out the uncensored tidbits. Ah, yeah, that's right: I'm in Hell.

I felt an ominous presence behind me and I turned around, only to be looking at Satan himself. He wasn't what I expected, being totally human and very handsome if I had to say so myself. He looked out of place, compared to the demon that greeted me, but I was sure that there was a demonic form underneath.

"This hasn't happened in five hundred years. Apologies for this. So, let me go talk to God to straighten this out." the tall man nodded.

"Wait. I'm really supposed to be in Heaven, then?"

Satan chuckled, his eyes glowed a bit. "Things aren't so cut and dry like your bible says it is. You'd have to do some extreme sinning to automatically land here with me. Even looking at you, I know you haven't sinned nearly as much. Seeing as there's no Limbo, you'll have to just hang out here until the two of us sort this out. Shouldn't take long."

"You're allowed to go to Heaven?" yes, that little fact freaked me out more than dying.

My question made Satan laugh heartily, billows of smoke coming from his nostrils and mouth. "I'll explain a lot of things to you once I get back. The short answer is yes in matters like these." he walked past me and seemed to disappear through the cavern walls. It left me to blink at where he left before looking at the demon.

"So, I just... stand here...?"

"I can give you a quick tour. Not that it matters," it grumbled out, and I figured that was how it spoke.

Although to be fair, I would've been pissy too if I had to show someone around who didn't belong.

Call me crazy but, Hell wasn't that bad. It was like a large city, albeit one that looked like it had gone through some apocalyptic phase, but it was a city nonetheless. There were some areas that were warmer than others and I actually got to see the whole, hellfire and brimstone parts but was told those were for the awful souls and older demons. I could tell the humans from the demons–apparently, only the top demons who worked along with Satan looked like actual demons–by how they carried themselves. There weren't too many humans who took being in Hell with a grain of salt, and I was told that if they did, they had been there for a long time.

Honestly, I didn't see a real problem being there. It wasn't too uncomfortable in the right areas, folks there knew they belonged there, so it was a matter of sucking it up and accepting your fate, and there were even a few bars in the area. The drinks were pretty good.

We were in one of what Apophis said was Satan's favorite lounge, the only place they showed me that was upscale. A few demons talked with me, surprised that I was so calm about things. They stopped talking suddenly, and I turned to see that Satan walked in, giving me a curious look.

"You've made yourself at home..." it came out as more of a question than a statement, and I blushed a bit. "Looks like some angel got paperwork mixed up. It'll be a couple of your human days to fully straighten out. I suppose I can set you up in the highrise, my way of apologizing."

"Well, can I ask you something and you be honest?" I quirked a brow and Satan chuckled once more.

"Another myth that I'm used to. I don't lie to anyone, I can't. I don't make you humans sin, you do that all on your own." he explained, and I nodded.

"What happens if I want to... stay here?"

I wasn't prepared for the question to not only make Satan gawk a bit, but the other demons in earshot to do so as well. He regained his composure with a clearing of his throat. "I would say that you're trying to kiss ass because no one wants to stay here willingly."

"I mean, this isn't so bad, but it's probably because I really don't belong? Either way, is Heaven any better? Would I enjoy it there more than here? The way the religious folks talk, it sounds like Heaven would be a bit too stuffy for me."

"Let me see if I'm hearing you right. You don't want to go to Heaven?"

"I mean, if it's gonna screw things up here or with some paperwork, I guess I have no choice but to go. But if not... I don't think I would have a problem staying here instead." I said.

It felt like an eternity before anyone said anything. Satan sat down beside me and the bartender gave him a drink immediately. "I was pretty good with my hands back on Earth so I think I could find something to do here as far as wor–"

"Quiet, human: I already know everything about you," he said after taking a sip. "Heaven is a tad bit boring for someone like you. Makes me wonder if this was really a mixup," he swirled whatever was in his tumbler around before taking another sip and then looked at Apophis. "Make his apartment permanent and make a note to God that he's mine, now."

"As you wish, Lucifer." the demon gave a slight bow before leaving.

"It's Lucifer and not Satan here," he answered the question I had in my head. "And yes, you can take what I said however you deem fit, but I did mean it literally." the way he looked me over, even for a moment, made my mouth dry and I downed the rest of my drink.

Whoever made the beautiful mistake of sending me to Hell, I had an urge to kiss them.