Butterflies

You're (Not) Lonely. I'm (Not) Lonely.

I'm alone.

I sit here,

I wonder;

"Why do I not have anyone with me?

Am I not good enough?

Why am I so alone?"

It reaches a point where

Being alone equals being lonely.

I don't want to be lonely.

I need you.

I need you next to me.

But that's impossible

Because you're over there,

And I'm over here,

And between us are cars, roads, buses, rivers..

You're so far away.

All I want to do is see your face,

Hear your voice,

Feel your skin on mine as we cuddle up in bed.

I let my fears get the best of me.

I feel as though you've found someone closer.

Someone you can see, physically.

Someone who won't cause you trouble or pain..

Someone who you can treat like the most important person to ever exist in the entire history of mankind.

You're over there,

People love you.

They adore you.

I'm over here,

Alone.

I'm alone but..

I'm not lonely.

I have our memories.

I have our past conversations.

I have your voice stuck in my head on repeat..

Saying the same things over, and over, and over again;

"I love you,"

"I miss you,"

"Our future together will happen."

Yet I feel empty without you being here.

I'm on the verge of breaking down because of numbers.

They rule and ruin everything.

You had your chance to visit but you blew it.

You decided video games were far more important than the girl you're in a serious relationship with.

Why?
Why am I your second option.
You take so long to reply to my messages.
It hurts when we don't talk.
We arranged for a phone call today..
You were "too busy" and your phone was "about to die."
Everything's adding up
And it's all playing with my head,
Toying with my feelings,
Messing with my fears.

Abandonment.

I can't stand it.

The feeling of being replaced,
Forgotten,
Pushed aside.

It pushes you into an eternal darkness,

Longing to find a light that just will not come to you.

It hurts.

It kills you.

Slowly.

Then suddenly; all at once.

You're paralyzed.

You're numb.

You have no escape,

Just thoughts of the impossible mixed with suicide.

Ropes,

Blades,

Pills,

Cigarettes,

Alcohol,

Jumping from the roof of the tallest building you can find,

All because you're alone.

All because you're lonely.

I'm lonely.

I need you..
But I can't have you..

Why?