I'm An Artist

I'm an artist.
My work is... not like your pen-and-paper drawings.
My work is not in the Louvre, as nobody would even think of putting it there.
My work is never copied.
Nobody wants to copy my art.
Not after all the things I do.

Why is my work never copied?
What do I do to make my art?
I could tell you...

But I think it would be best if you followed along with my instructions.

Before I can make my art, I have to get a "canvas".
Usually, you can only get these if you work at a hospital, or if you're studying how things work inside, but I know where to get some for free.
Before you head there, you have to make sure the time is right; too early, you'll be seen. Too late, and the "canvas" is ruined. You need to head down at around 11 PM at the earliest, and leave by 4 AM.
The quicker you get your "canvas", the better its condition will be.

Come along, we're going to get a new "canvas".

The "canvases" are hidden in the ground; the previous owners don't want people to see how beautiful something can be.
You'll be looking for what I call "perfection": good-looking, no broken parts, and not showing a single sign of age.
You'll want one as big as yourself; the small ones should be left alone.
Once you've found your perfect "canvas", it's time to bring it to the vehicle of your choosing.
Put it in as quickly and as quietly as you can, and head home. Make sure you keep it well-hidden, too.

Now that you have your "canvas" back at home, it's time to begin making art.
First, put it on the table.
You'll need to unwrap your "canvas" from its three-piece "wrapper", if it has one on; you may sell it later.
Then, grab the scalpel on the table to your right. The sharper it is, the better it will cut.
Make a small incision on the base of the "canvas", right where the "stands" meet, and work your way up.
Don't make the cut too noticeable, unless you plan on dressing the "canvas"; you'll need it as intact as you possibly can have it. Then, you have to lift the cut part up and over the top of the "canvas".
Don't worry if something gets on your hands, you can always wash them later.

Now, it's time to go foraging.
Plunge your hands into the pit, and inspect whatever you find. There should be plenty of "treasure" inside, so snip off what you want as close to the inside of the "canvas" as you can, and put it in the ice bath on your left.
Make sure every "treasure" has its own bath, too; you don't want a mix-up.

The "pump" is the most valuable of the "treasures", as people cannot live without it.
The tubes connected to the "pump" are useless; you can throw those away, but don't throw away the "bellows". They, like the "pump", are vital for people to live.
The "upper sack" is required to live, but nobody's looking to buy them right now. However, that doesn't make it worthless; you can cook a delicious meal if you fill it with turkey stuffing and black pudding.
The "canals" are not as in demand, but you can fashion them into some "stand covers" for your finished work. Make sure you wash them thoroughly, and dry them out before working with them.
The "lower sack" is not worth much, and it may contain rocks. You can throw this away.
The "slab" is vital for people to live. Never throw it out, unless it's yellow.
The "beans" are located at the back of the "canvas". They are vital, but not worth much. You may throw them out, or keep them.
The "holder", should you find one, is useless by now. Throw it away.
If something's hanging off of your "canvas" at the base, cut it off and bin it. Whatever's inside has been dead for a while, and it should never be eaten. Unless, of course, you think you can manage it...

When you've "de-treasured" your "canvas pit", you can move on up, and stitch it back up. In the second "canvas pit" are "pegs" that can be made into jewellery, if they are white. Otherwise, bleach them, unless they have holes.
There are two balls just above. You may take them out and replace them with glass ones, if you desire.
If the "canvas" has a "carpet" at the top, you may shave it off and use it to stuff pillows.

Now, have the "canvas" sanitised, and add your final touches to it. When you have finished, stand it upright and put it in a glass box big enough to hold it.

And now, your art is complete.

I'm an artist.
My work is now yours.
Your work may end up in the Louvre, as nobody would even think of it being something other than wax.
Your work will be copied, but nothing will ever look as good.
You know how to make art like me.
I have one last thing to say...

I'm dying.
I will soon be another canvas for you.
Make me proud.