Please Note:
Don't Judge. I got bored.
(P.S. read this in a Australian voice, but in your mind.)
One day, in the frozen deserts of Antarctica, there was a penguin village called Doris Land, where all the penguins were forced to be named Doris. But there was a particular penguin who begged to differ. And his name, is now, Chub Chub. But he had to go through a lot of trouble to be called that…
Doris the Clerk was in the town hall, the waiting room to be specific, eager to talk to Doris the Mayor.
Then Doris the Lady at the Front Desk said, “Doris the Clerk, Doris the Mayor is ready for you!”. Doris the Clerk rushed to the door. He then took deep breaths and tried to suppress the butterflies fluttering inside his belly. The door to the mayor’s office opened.
“Hello Doris the Clerk,” greeted Doris the Mayor in a deep voice.
“Good Evening Mr. Mayor,” Doris the Clerk replied.
“How may I help you Dorris the Clerk?”
“Well, there is a particular law that I disagree with.”
“Oh? What might that be?” Doris the Mayor asked as he tried to appear clueless of what Doris the Clerk’s concern might be.
“I just think that we all should have different names than just Doris!”
“HOW DARE YOU!,” Doris the Mayor yelled,“IT IS TRADITION!!!!!”
“But-“
“THERE’S A REASON THIS TOWN WAS NAMED DORIS LAND!”
“I-“
“OUT OF THIS BUILDING! GET OUT!!!!”
And Dorris the Clerk was literally kicked out on to the street by the Mayor’s Doris’s the Penguin Guards.
As Dorris the Clerk walked back to his igloo unsatisfied, he thought to himself, If I can’t persuade the mayor to let us have different names, then maybe every penguin in Doris Land can! His plan unraveled so fast in his noggin that by the time he got home, he was searching for a pencil, a piece of cardboard, ‘penguin tape’, and a taco. Then, he got to work.
After a long 8 hours and 4 minutes, Doris stood before his amazing creation with a half eaten taco in his hand. It was a cardboard billboard that had the words “cHanJ yUr nAym 2dAy! gOw 2 dA Ig1o0 2467!” written on it. “Now all I have to do wave this on the road I-84!”
Before you knew it, there were penguin tracks from Igloo 2467 to I-84, and with a penguin waving a sign at the end.
“GET YOUR NAME NOW!” Doris the clerk shouted at the passing sleds. One of them stopped to ask Doris what he was doing.
“Hey! You there,” a penguin in a red and yellow sled said pointing at Doris the clerk,”What in the name of tacos are you doing!”. It was Dorris. Dorris the Janitor.
“Hello Doris the Janitor! I’m just trying to persuade everyone to get the mayor to let us all have different names than just ‘Doris’.”
“You’re not the only one, I hate the mayor too but-”
“You do? Cool! Then can you come over here and hold up this sign? My wings hurt.”
“No way! You look like a hobo holding that sign!”
“I do? Maybe I should’ve added color to the sign and-”
“NO! You know what? Get in my sled, I know some penguins tha-”
“But what about-“
“JUST GET IN!”
So Doris the Clerk doubtful and confused hopped in Dorris the Janitor’s sled and they set off the to find the “penguins” that Dorris the Janitor knew.
“You can call me Dooflingersplatter by the way.”
“Dooflingersplatter? You have a name? How did you get one?” Dorris the Clerk asked.
“It’s easy, all you have to do is come up with one, then decide to call yourself that!”
“It’s that simple? I thought it was illegal!”
“That’s the part where I tell you where we are going, I am part of a rebel group called ‘DSD’, which stands for ‘Doris Sounds Dumb’. What we basically do is hate that old mayor and come up with plans that might work someday that will allow us to legally have a real name.”
“So, we’re going to the DSD’s Hideout?”
“Yup! Oh, and just so you know, if you say the word ‘Doris’ in the DSD’s Hideout, you will be punished be being publicly ‘Tacoed"”
“‘Tacoed?’”
“It means 84 tacos to the face”
“Oh.”
Awkward silence broke the chatter for at least 2 more hours and was filled with the howls of the wind that seemed quite peaceful in a way.
“We’re almost there,”said Dooflingersplatter, interrupting the tranquility,“I suggest you come up with a name already”
“Already! I need more time!” argued Doris the Clerk.
“You just had 2 hours gone by, and you spent it trying to lick your elbow instead of doing something productive.”
“Well I was licking my elbow while trying to come up with a name!” Doris the Clerk lied.
“Well then, what have you gotten so far?”
Dorris the clerk then came up with something so ridiculous that it would have kicked the word ‘ridiculous’ right out of ‘The Pengsters Dictionary’.
“Chub Chub. I want to be called Chub Chub.”
