ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡɪɴ | ɴᴄᴛ ?

| t w e n t y - e i g h t |

you could hear your own heartbeat. it was beating in your ears as you stood in front of the classroom the two of you had agreed to meet in. it was now or never.. you pushed the door open and closed it behind you, smiling at jeno who was already in the room. he returned the smile with a smaller one. jeno hadn't brought any flowers, not that you knew about the conversation he had had with the boys. he couldn't bring himself to get flowers.

"i need to tell you something.." he cleared his throat and you nodded, bouncing on your feet a bit. despite how much you tried to hide your excitement and expectations, jeno could clearly see it, and it broke his heart. it broke his heart because he was not going to give you what you were thinking.

"i like you. holy shit i like you so much it's almost unbearable sometimes. but i just.. i can't.. i can't be with you even if you like me back, and i'm so sorry about that, i really am, but i can't." your head dropped, and your gaze landed on your shoes. never had your heart dropped so fast as it had in that moment. it felt like being punched, it felt as if the air had been punched out of you, making it feel more difficult to breathe. your eyebrows were furrowed, creating a deep crease in your forehead, and jeno's eyes landed on your balled up fists. if you punched him, he'd feel better, he had thought. jeno felt a weird heaviness in his heart as well, and he dropped his head in shame when you finally looked up at him.

"excuse me, what? why?" in his eyes you looked more pissed than anything. you didn't look sad, you looked utterly pissed, and he hadn't even gotten to the worst part yet. jeno shook his head, swallowing hard to make the lump in his throat disappear, it didn't.

"because i don't deserve it." you shook your head, scoffing. that wasn't an excuse, hell you had been less pissed if he hadn't said anything at all! he didn't deserve it? what the hell was he on about? a humorless laugh left you, your eyes downcast and your feet tapping on the floor rather impatiently. you replied with a frown, "jeno, don't give me sad crap like that."

"you were a bet." too late to back out now. he had said it. it didn't matter how much he wanted to have kept it a secret, it was out in the open now, not something he could ever take back. that's when the sadness hit you he noticed, your shoulders slumped and your eyelids dropped a bit, you looked defeated. then came the denial as you shook your head, you couldn't believe that - there was no way that was true, "fuck off that's not funny."

"i'm sorr-" his apology was cut short, "fuck you, please tell me you don't mean that." came your rushed almost panicked response.

at your reaction, jeno felt it. the punch to his stomach. it knocked the air out of him. as much as he wished he could tell you it was a very mean joke, he couldn't, not after realizing what he felt. the one in front of you finally had the nerve to raise his head again, his eyes locking with your glassed over ones. he told you the truth, "the bet was called off after we went to get ice cream."

"so, everything before that was nothing but a bet." by now, your voice was just above a whisper. he had barely heard what you said, and he knew he had to answer, he had to respond somehow! yet, he couldn't. the words were stuck in his throat, and if he tried any harder it would all come out as word vomit. yet another humorless laugh left you because of the unbearable silence, and then you asked him a question, "why are you telling me?"

"because i think i'm falling in love with you, and i don't deserve it." you shook your head, your hands moving up to cover your face. it would've hurt less if he had simply rejected your feelings. now you felt like nothing short of a toy, something him and jaemin had played around with for the thrill of it. after having dropped it, jeno's head snapped up at the sound of you sniffing into your hands. when you removed your hands from your face, your cheeks were damp, glistening in the classroom lights. another tear left your eye, and you shook you head again, your voice cracking as your next words left you, "stop, don't say that. not when i was a bet. you guys really are horrible, huh?"

"y/n-" everything about this hurt way more than he initially had thought it would. what had hurt even more was you flinching, moving away from him as he had stretched out his hand towards you. you held up your hand, sniffing, "if you touch me right now, i'll break down crying completely, so kindly keep your fucking hands to yourself before i snap them." you hadn't meant to be harsh, or maybe you had. you weren't sure what went through your mind anymore..

slowly, he pulled his hands back. it hurt you to talk to him like that, to talk to him when he had taken such a big part of your heart. he looked like a kicked puppy. at the same time, this was too much, he had gone too far.

"i'm sorry."

you wiped at your eyes, cursing at him for the fourth time or so in the last fifteen minutes, "fuck you. never text me again. any of you. i never want to hear from any of you ever again." it was what he had expected would happen. he knew jisung would have his head as well. jeno had promised the younger one one single thing, and he couldn't keep that promise. he could only nod at your words, not having the strength to put words together anymore.

"also one last thing. take it back." another punch to the gut that left him feeling like he couldn't breathe properly. jeno wasn't stupid. he knew exactly what you meant by those words, but at the same time he hoped it had a different meaning. so in a whisper he asked you to repeat what you had just said,"i'm sorry?"

"take what you said back. you're not falling in love with me." you pressed your lips together, and you thanked god he had taken you to an empty classroom as more tears began filling your eyes. it was selfish to hold onto his feelings, and he knew it. but for once in way too long if not for the first time for real, he loved someone. not like family or friendly love, no no, he in love with you. you saw him press his lips together as well. he didn't say anything, which frustrated you to no end. you needed to hate him. you needed to hear from him that he wasn't falling in love. you needed to hear it so you could break down completely.

if you hated him, then maybe, just maybe, you'd get over him faster. a small sob left you as you walked over to him, and you hit his chest with both of your hands, your head dropping. tears fell faster now, and you sobbed out your next words, "take it back, jeno, please. for me please! even if it's a lie, take it back. lie to me."

never once in your life had you begged for something as much as you begged for him to lie to you. another sob left you, as your hands clenched his uniform shirt. you felt him grab your hands, and he gently took them off himself before he mumbled a small, almost inaudible, "i can't."

he was selfish, but if he couldn't have you, he'd keep the feeling of love close to him no matter what. why did it hurt so bad? was the question being repeated in not only your head, but his too. you weren't even together, and yet it hurt so bad.. you wanted to hate him, you needed to. but he wouldn't give you the chance. why did it hurt so bad? why?

you crouched down on the floor, arms around head as another sob managed to wreck your body. the one who had utterly destroyed you couldn't say anything, he could only observe the damage he had done. it was for the better. it was for you. a tear escaped his eye but he didn't wipe it away.

in the end he didn't deserve your love anyways.