Doom Eternal but make it hot

Chapter 1

I'd like to think that my life was simple. At least before the incident. I don't contemplate the existence of a God now. If there was this never would have happened...

I woke up to the sound of an alarm like every other day. I put my sweats on and took my dog daisy out for a walk. She was a dachshund, so her stubby legs made a pat pat pat sound as she padded down the sidewalk. I turned the corner and nearly walked into my neighbor Ash. She was on her daily jog. 

"Oh hey, sorry for bumping into you!" I said. 

"Omg hi! No problem. So what was the drama with you and Jeremy you told me about yesterday over text?" 

Jeremy was this guy that I had an... entanglement... with to say the least

I joined her on her jog. Daisy had no problem keeping up with us. Her boundless energy was comparable to the Energizer Bunny. We looped back to my house where I stopped and put Daisy in her crate. Ash and I were going to Waffle House to watch the Saturday morning crackhead brawl. As we got into her car she put on some music and we bopped all the way to Waffle House. 

When we got to our table the waitress was already throwing hands with someone who had jumped the counter. It looked like his eggs weren't cooked correctly or something. Ash had begun chanting "GO CRACKHEAD GO, GO CRACKHEAD GO" as loud as she could. A man in another booth was recording. 

The fight ended with the waitress shoving the crackhead into a waffle cooker, however, she was arrested for assault. Finally, we were served our food.

"Welcome to Waffle House! What would you like to eat and drink"

"Yeah I'll have water and a waffle with a side of bacon," Ash said, nearly out of breath from yelling

"I'll have what she got, except I'll have an OJ please," I said. 

"Alright, I'll have your order ready in a minute!" the waitress hummed as she went to tell the cook our order. 

As we waited we began to talk about my Jeremy problem again. 

"Honestly I don't know why you keep him around. I would cut him off if I were you. He ain't nothing but a man whore you treats you like meat... you deserve better than that" Ash stated

"I know I should, but girl... dick too bomb" I joked

"I swear to god you nasty bitch" 

"I'm kidding, please don't kill me" 

"Whore" she smiled

"You know it" I giggled

As we continued to talk I noticed that the smell of smoke filled the Waffle House. I looked to where the cook was working but there was no smoke coming from the stovetop. I looked to the door and noticed that the sky was a dark shade of grey. That was weird because it was perfectly sunny about 30 minutes ago...

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Author's Note: I have already died. I am in hell and my punishment is to write this god awful lemon fic for the rest of time so buckle up fuckers it only gets worse from here...