You don't love me.

Erin

Hey biological father, you look surprised to see my brother telling you to end his misery. Does it really take a knife to make you realize we aren't a normal family? We aren't what you want us to be, we'll never be. I know that you fear the day we disappear. You want us to stay and pretend we're all ok, but we aren't. We are all so messed up, but you won't fess up to the fact that you helped cause this. You think our family ain't toxic? Well we may not be physically but we're sure as hell mentally sick. You want us to be perfect yet your not perfect yourself. This is hell, but we can't tell anyone else. You say you want a normal family..HA! They'd all leave, but I won't do that even though it's suffocating, trapped in this house of broken minds and silent screams. I can never leave, the first thing out of your mouth is "you don't love me" anytime I just bring up the possibility. You're constantly manipulating emotionally and mentally. I can't go to the police to tell them what you do, because psychology can't be proven, and psychology is your tool. They always believe you, even though nothing you say is ever true. Our lives were doomed the day we got stuck with you, and you know it too. So what can I do? Nothing.. I know I'm just a tool to you, yet I still do everything you want me to. I listen to your lies though I don't buy em at all, but I play as your spy always at your beck and call. You always coax it out of me eventually anyways. Fishing for the information people readily hand to me. I don't know why they do, maybe they just trust me more than you. At least that'd mean they have some sort of clue, and maybe just maybe, they're finally catching on to you. It's not just them but also you, you've given me plenty of your dirty secrets too. Enough that I could probably ruin you if I wanted. I'm standing here mesmerized by that expression on your face, at first glance you look surprised but the expression in your eyes is nothing but disappointment. Always disappointment. You know I wish that I would leave you. Always hoping I'll go, and yet I don't I never do. You know I won't ever leave, that's why you take advantage of me. I've built walls no one can get through, all thanks to you. My walls will not break, though my will might shake. The path I take won't be one I choose. Every step towards this fate my heart breaks just a little, And all of my quirks you can't seem to help but belittle. There is a path laid out for me with orders to heed. Trying to appease you so that I will please you, as your love always comes with strings.