Part of the Plan

5.

Jackson, Mississippi

Flashback

Zeoria

"How does this look Zeoria?" Canary asked as she tried on maternity clothes. She was getting bigger and bigger and things just weren't fitting like they use to.

"It looks good." I replied not really paying attention to what she was saying to me. I was having an internal war with myself that I just couldn't win.

"Zeoria, what you are doing is unsafe. The baby hasn't been checked out since you found out you were pregnant. You need to tell somebody!"

"No I don't. They just wouldn't understand. I'm tired of everybody feeling sorry for me."

"You're selfish Zeoria. You are putting both you and the baby at risk."

My mental war felt like it was going on forever. I just wanted it to stop. I needed to escape my head for a while.

I couldn't deny the fact that I was scared about this pregnancy. I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't normal. I knew I needed to get checked out but my feelings were getting the best of me. I thought about talking to Michelle, but I just didn't see how that would benefit me. It was constantly a struggle and I was tired of it.

Auntie Nicki and Kaleeyah look at me. I could tell from their expression that they were worried. I was getting annoyed at them staring at me so I excused myself and went to the restroom.

As I was walking to the restroom, I bumped into somebody. "Watch where the fuck you are walking." I said angrily.

"You need to get that anger in check bitch. You bumped into me." The women said catching the attitude in my voice.

"Why are you so rude Zeoria? That was totally uncalled for."

"If you keep acting the way you acting, everybody is going to end up leaving your life. All you can do is except what happened and try to move past it. You don't have to forget it, but at least allow your self to heal from it."

"I ain't moving past shit." I said out loud.

"You're fucking crazy." The lady next to me said as she washed her hands. I ignored her ignorant ass.

I threw some cold water on my face hoping to calm myself down. It always seemed to help. I could feel the baby kicking slightly. I smiled.

"Get it together Zeoria. Let it go."

I ignored the voice in my head and joined everyone again. I promised myself that I would try to enjoy this outing and act as normal as possible. I had to hide the way I felt for now and put on my award winning fake smile that I had gotten use to wearing years before.

We walked out of the maternity clothing store and walked across the street to a wig store. I made sure to keep up with them and not lag behind.

"Zeoria I think this would fit you well." Kaleeyah suggested.

"No it's too bright."

It was a lime green wig. It was beautiful but it just wasn't my style. I preferred a color that was a little less bright.

"How about this Ze?" Canary said pointing to a rainbow wig.

I shooked my head. Once again, the wig looked beautiful but it was too colorful. I started looking for wigs myself because they obviously didn't know what colors I was interested in. The wig shop had it all. It had so many styles and colors. I preferred wigs that were on the longer side. Everything was super expensive though. I knew this was high quality wig shop.