Betrayal [ spencer reid x reader ] ✔️

15. Showers and Letters

warnings: praise

"My dad really did kill my mom."

You sit back down in your seat, putting your forehead in your hands. You can't cry—you literally have nothing left. You can't fucking feel.

You don't talk about your mother much. The only person you talk to about her to is Spencer—he's spent hours listening to you talk about your childhood, the way she baked, the way she would sing you to sleep, the way she smelled—cedarwood and bergamot. He was the first person you uttered her name to, thirteen years after you'd watched your dad speak at her funeral, a closed casket ceremony. He hadn't wanted you to see her like that, embalmed and unnatural.

And now, it was he who spoke her name instead of you, his soft voice echoing around the silent room, but in that moment, it's the loudest thing you've ever heard. You feel a hand on your back—Spencer's—rubbing circles in your back gently, the entire team silent. No one even moves.

The letters from Kevin's were from around the mid-nineties. So, what, your mom suspected him and he killed her? You squeeze your eyes shut; Spencer's touch warm on your back. Here he is again—your anchor, seeming to ground you when you feel like the floor's been ripped out from underneath you.

Sometimes you feel like you don't deserve him.

After a few moments, you take a deep breath, lifting your head up. You look at Hotch, his usual intense gaze surprisingly soft. He looks at you, then Spencer, before looking at the team.

"We need to try to narrow down who this Samuel is. Everyone go do your research." The team stands, but you stand rooted in place in your seat. "Y/n, stay here. Take a moment."

"Can you check on Pen in her cave? She has our kids." Spencer's voice is soft. "Rhiannon's in her stroller."

Hotch nods. "Take all the time you guys need in here, okay?"

You give a slight nod, Spencer moving to sit in the chair next to you. He doesn't say anything, but he holds your leg hand with his left, his right hand still rubbing your back. You turn your head slightly, looking at him. His hazel eyes search your face, still not saying anything.

"I'm okay," you whisper. "I think I'm in shock."

"Of course you're in shock," he says softly. "You just found out something really big." He scoots his chair closer to you, wrapping his arm around you. You put your head on his chest, your forehead resting on the side of his neck.

"He killed her, Spence." Your voice breaks slightly, and he squeezes you a little tighter.

He strokes your hair, fingers running through the small knots that had formed. "You don't know that, sweetheart."

"I do," you whisper.

He doesn't reply, just continues to move his fingers through your hair. After a few moments, you lift your head up, and Spencer presses a kiss to your forehead. He rests his forehead against yours, his thumb brushing your cheek. You close your eyes, little strands of Spencer's hair tickling your cheek. You laugh softly, opening your eyes. His hazel eyes look into yours, a smile on his face.