The Ocean In My Mind

My Child

My son. When you were born, it was like the world became ten times brighter. My son. You were always so attached to me and I loved seeing your tiny smile. My son. When you said your first words, I hugged you tightly and you giggled. My son. When you walked for the first time, you looked so proud of yourself, and I was so proud of you too. My son. Your first year of elementary school had you talking up a storm. You were so excited that you didn't stop talking until dinner was ready. My son. When I met your friend for the first time, I was overjoyed. My son. When you started middle school, you were nervous but excited, and I thought you were so cute. My son. When you told me that you were trans in your third year of middle school, I was shocked to say the least. But I could see the nervousness on your face and knew how much courage it must have taken to tell me. I decided to accept your decision, though it took some time. My daughter. When you started high school, you were so nervous, but you got through it and i am proud of you. My daughter. When I noticed you were being bullied, but you didn't tell me, I was sad. I had hoped that I was someone you could talk to about that type of thing. I just hoped you would tell me before something irreversible happened. Before I would have to take matters into my own hands. My daughter. When you finally told me that you had been bullied, but you had dealt with it on your own, I was proud and mad. Mad that it took that long for you to tell me but I was also relieved that nothing to bad happened. My daughter, when you graduated, I was so emotional. It drove home that you were an adult now, that you were independent. I admit I may have cried a little. My daughter. Please know that I love you and that I wish you the best. You are strong and I know you will be fine even if I'm not there to support you. My daughter. Even now, as I lay in the hospital, I only think of you. I'm sorry I worried you when I was diagnosed with stage three cancer. I'm sorry I won't be able to see you get married, or even graduate college. My daughter. Just know that I will always be there for you, even if I die. I love you so much. You were my light when your father left me. Thank you. I hope I was a good mother figure for you. My daughter. Don't be sad. Focus on your future, and don't let me hold you back. I love you, and I am thinking about you, even till the end. My daughter.