What Happens Off-Screen (Naruto)

Episode 3

Modern AU-ish scenarios Ig

.:__Brakes__:.

Kisame: So, you're driving and Tobi and Sasori walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Deidara: Oh, definitely Tobi, un. I could never hurt Sasori-danna, hm.

Kisame: *trying not to sigh* The brakes, Deidara. You hit the brakes.

.:__Cursing__:.

[Hidan in the Good Place (somehow-)]

Hidan: Somebody forked up.
... Why can't I forking say fork?

Kakuzu: If you're trying to curse, you can't here, I guess a lot of people in this neighbourhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.

Hidan: That's forking bullshirt.

.:__Being Bullied__:.

Hidan: *in a random classroom for absolutely no reason* If you're being physically bullied, just say, "No, stop, that's giving me a boner".

The random 5-year-olds in that class: *not knowing what a boner is, but is scared that a random man is in their classroom telling them random things, their teacher is an hour late, and a bloody piece of their teacher's clothing clung onto Hidan's sacrificing scythe* 👁️__👁️💦

.:__fluffybunnies@gmail.com__:.

Obito: Can't you see that I'm pure evil? Can't you see the hell fire burning in my eyes? I don't have a heart of stone or one of ice for I simply do not have a heart!

Madara: Your email address is fluffybunnies123@gmail.com--

Obito: I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD WHEN I MADE THAT ACCOUNT, OKAY?! I'M THE EMBODIMENT OF EVIL NOW!

.:__420 in a 55__:.

Cop: I pulled you over for going 68 in a 55.

Hidan: Damn, 68? Can you make that number a little cooler so I can hear the judge read it out haha

Cop: Sure, whatever.

[later in court]

Judge: How were you going 420 in a 55.

.:__Eating Cereal__:.

Puts cereal before milk: Hidan - Deidara - Kisame

Puts milk before cereal: Kakuzu - Konan

Eats only the cereal: Itachi - Pein - Zetsu

Eats all the cereal first, then drinks the milk then breakdances so everything will get mixed inside their body: Tobi

Sasori, who still has not participated in any of these yet: -_-

.:__"Are you even listening to me?"__:.

Deidara: I hate it when Sasori-danna says, "Are you even listening to me?"
What a random way to start a conversation, un.

Sasori: BRAT, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME--

.:__E-things__:.

Kakuzu: People always want to talk about e-boys and e-girls.
But no one ever wants to talk about the e-conomy.

Capitalism is a fundamentally flawed system.

.:__Kazoo__:.

Tobi: *playing the kazoo*

Zetsu: Do you take requests?

Tobi: Sure! Tobi can play almost any song on the kazoo!

Zetsu: Stop.

Author: While writing this one, Kakazoo just came to my mind-

.:__Morse Code__:.

Kakuzu: *taps hand against desk*

Sasori: *taps against a block of wood in his hands*

Hidan: Stop that, I know you're talking shit about me in morse code.

Kakuzu: Oh, yes Hidan. In our very limited time, as members of a criminal organization, we took the time to learn an irrelevant, outdated method of communication just so we can talk about you in front of you.

Sasori: Indeed.