Silencio

Chapter 13

Hermione was lying on her bed, staring up at the canopy. It was dark and quiet outside of her own little world. Light hurt her abused eyes, but she wouldn't put it away. Her gaze flitted back to the floating ball that he had given her.

'It doesn't mean anything. My parents are rich and I'm well aware how spoiled I am. I have many things I don't need.'

Yes, well, it had meant something to her. It had meant that he had listened to her and that he had tried to fulfill one of her wishes. He hadn't had to do that—she certainly hadn't expected him to—but he had done it anyway. In spite of his awkward way of handling it, it had been really sweet. At least, she had thought so at the time.

She had no more tears left and numbness had taken over. Ginny had been right. It had taken Hermione far too long to reach this conclusion, but Ginny had actually been right. After everything he had said today, there could be no more doubt.

'He doesn't want you. He doesn't care about you. He's just using you! I can't just stand by and watch you betray and hurt everyone for someone like him! Either you cut it off or you tell Harry and Ron. You are supposed to be their friend! If you don't do it, I will!'

It was over. One more tear that she hadn't thought she had slid down her cheek.

She should just get over it. She should just shrug this off and go out there and go back to not caring about him.

It was much easier said than done.

It certainly didn't help when she remembered all those times he had seemed like he did care, like he might be falling just a little bit for her.

'What do you think this is? Some epic love story? We fucked, we got caught and now it's over! Real life caught up, princess.

She had never expected him to agree to having a real out-in-the-open relationship with her; she wasn't that stupid, but she had hoped for just a little bit more. A little reluctance or regret on his part would have been nice. But, no, he just ruthlessly threw her aside and began sleeping with Shaw instead.

She had a vision of him taking the same pleasure in Shaw as he'd always seemed to take in her, and the pain threatened to crush her, threatened to stop her from breathing. She tried to push it away again.

He had every right to sleep with whoever he wanted, of course, but... why couldn't he want her instead? She didn't care about lying to Ginny and her friends, as long as she could just be with him! This should shock her, but it didn't. She had known for a while that her priorities had changed significantly. It was none of their damn business anyway; it wasn't as if she was off to join Voldemort.

Ok, so spending time with him might have changed her a little, loosening her up towards certain behaviors, but her views and loyalties were still the same. She wouldn't change those for anyone; not even if she hadn't been a Mudblood, as he so charmingly called her each chance he got.

Why was it that she wasn't good enough for him anymore? Could it really matter that much that Ginny knew? She hadn't even told him about Ginny's threat. Was it because she wasn't as pretty as Shaw? Perhaps, if she smoothed her hair and wore some makeup... No, she would never be that pretty, but perhaps if she made an effort, she would still appeal.

Or was it that she hadn't truly satisfied him in bed, the way she had always thought she did? He had seemed to be more bruised after Shaw than he had ever been after their nights together... He could have told her if he was feeling unfulfilled, told her what she needed to do. She didn't mind being a bit kinky. She didn't mind not 'making love' again. She would do anything.